Writing Letters to God

This Too Shall Pass

2012-01-27T15:51:00.026+08:00

Read this short story today:

很久以前，有一个国王想找到一句话，它能让高兴的人听了难过，难过的人听了高兴。但他找了很长时间都没有找到。直到有一天夜里，他梦见智者对他说了一句话，正是自己想找的。
这句最神奇的话就是：这一切都会过去的！
不管是好的还是坏的，没有一件东西可以永恒不变。当你失败、痛苦的时候，你要告诉自己：这一切都会过去的！当你成功、得意忘形的时候，你也要知道：这一切都会过去的！好的人生，是一个过程，而不是一个状态；它是一个方向，而不是终点。

But this is the exact truth that makes me feels so sad, and morbid.

人生就如游园惊梦 - 不想继续醉生梦死，但又怕醒来时发现还是一场空。
抓得越紧，伤得越痛。
Let go, let God; this is going to be a lifelong lesson for me.

但愿我终可领悟到“行到水穷处，坐看云起时”的意境。。。

"Human Disaster" vs "Natural Disaster"

2011-03-17T01:23:00.010+08:00

Today, when I was driving home amidst the heavy traffic, suddenly I am flooded with string of (strange) thoughts.

"I ought to be grateful; because it's only the traffic jam that I have to deal with, and not any form of natural disaster."

Indeed, I'm always very thankful that our boleh-land is free from earthquake zone, Tsunami high risk area, and many other major natural disasters.
Truly, God will not give you what you cannot handle...

But coming from another perspective, it reminded me of the choice of King David. At 2 Samuel 24, God asked King David to choose from the 3 options of punishment to carry out against his sin - 3 years of famine, 3 months of fleeing from enemies & 3 days of plague.
And David made a very daring choice. He said he would rather falls into the hands of the Lord, for His mercy is great, than to fall into human hands.

So, my question is, would you rather have long suffering under social injustice, lousy government (and to endure the disgrace your prime minister's wife brought to your countrymen), and probably you may die suddenly under collapsed building / bridge due to corruption, victimized by brutal crime; OR to face the challenge of natural disaster?

"Human disaster" vs "natural disaster", which is worse?

I'm ambivalent.

Yes, the force of nature can be very cruel at times; but the wickedness and the depravity of mankind, chill my heart even more.

Up On The Roof

2011-02-20T23:54:00.008+08:00

UP ON THE ROOF
by Peter Cincotti

When this old world starts a getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I'll climb way up to the top of the stairs
And all my cares just drift right into space

On the roof, it's peaceful as can be
And there the world below can't bother me

When I come home feeling tired and beat
I'll go up where the air is fresh and sweet
I'll get away from the hustling crowd
And all the rat-race noise down in the street

On the roof, the only place I know
Where you just have to wish to make it so

At night the stars put on a show for free
Darling, you can share it all with me

Right smack dab in the middle of town
I found a paradise that's troubleproof
If this world starts getting you down
There's room enough for two
Up on the roof
Up on the roof

When I heard this song, the "ROOF" reminds me of God - peaceful, shielded us from the world, makes all our worries drift away, a safe haven where nothing can't bother me, a paradise that's troubleproof... Beautiful isn't it? =)

Dear God, may my heart always have a room for you, because yours will always have a room for me. Thank you for loving me.

Life at the Cross Roads

2011-01-29T23:32:00.006+08:00

"All life concentrates on man at the cross roads."

In every action of life man is confronted with a choice; and he can never evade the choice, because he can never stand still. He must always take one way or the other.

- William Barclay -

Matt 7:13-14
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

不能够再见的“再见”

2011-01-15T22:54:00.000+08:00

阿公。。。不能够再见的“再见”。。。
I'm sorry =(

Good when He gives, nor less when He denies

2011-01-13T23:17:00.002+08:00

Good when He gives, supremely good;
Nor less when He denies:
Afflictions, from His sovereign hand, are blessings in disguise.

~ Brother Lawrence ~

4

2010-11-15T00:25:00.005+08:00

This is the fourth year. You're dearly missed.
I wonder, how long more til my turn to go to the other side...
=)

Social Distortion

2010-10-14T23:38:00.011+08:00

We're living in a distorted world today.

We are so "connected" to the world thanks to the Internet & mobile phone network; but yet we're so disconnected with each other.
We seems to know so much about the happenings at a person's life, thanks to all the updates at facebook, twitter & probably bloggie too. But often it's just superficial, we never know what happened "deep within"...

Tonight, when Mr Lian reminded us that we all are the being that needed relationship. I do agree, strongly in fact. But yet too often I dread about building relationships. I have my own "social distortion" to deal with.
Because I know the more I attached to a person, the more painful it will be when the person had to leave you - either to the next phase of life, or stay out of your life.

I wish, I really wish that I will have the "mind of a traveler" when I have to leave this place - just say goodbye and never look back.

In times like this, I only wanted to sing this out loud: "How far is heaven, Lord can you tell me?"

"Heaven"

Save me from this prison
Lord help me get away
Cause only you can save me now
From this misery
Cause I've been lost in my own place
And I'm getting' weary
How far is heaven
And I know I need to change
My ways of livin'
How far is heaven, Lord can you tell me

Cause I've been locked up way too long
In this crazy world, how far is heaven
I just keep on prayin' Lord
Just keep on livin', how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven
I just got to know how far, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me

Tu que estas en alto cielo,
Echame tu bendiciòn

Cause I know there's a better place
Than this place I'm livin', how far is heaven
So I just got to show some faith
And just keep on giving, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven
I just wanna know how far, how far is heaven,
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven,
'cause I just gotta know how far,
I just wanna know far

I see Thee not, I feel Thee not; but Thou art here

2010-10-07T15:15:00.004+08:00

Distinguish between the fact of God's presence, and the emotion of the fact.
It is a happy thing when the soul seems desolate and deserted, if our faith can say, "I see Thee not. I feel Thee not, but Thou art certainly and graciously here, where I am as I am." Say it again and again: "thou art here: though the bush does not seem to burn with fire, it does burn.
I will take the shoes from off my feet, for the place on which I stand is holy ground.

~ Author Unknown ~

Every exit is an entry somewhere

2010-09-20T00:12:00.010+08:00

Alexander Graham Bell once said,

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

How true and wise =)

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. The hard times that we go through will build character, it makes us a stronger person.

In good times, we learn to be thankful for the things can be.
In tough times, we learn to accept that there are things that cannot be.

But when darkness strike you, do not bow your head in sadness; instead, keep your head up high, gaze into heaven - for that is where our broken heart has been sent to.

Some people will look at me and said, only those who are weak in heart needed faith in God.

But I said, only those who are strong in heart are willing to put their faith in something that they cannot see (now).

Finding God in Nature

2010-09-16T00:11:00.003+08:00

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.
God is the friend of silence.
See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence;
see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...
We need silence to be able to touch souls.

~ Mother Teresa ~

Time to mourn, and then hope

2010-08-19T20:05:00.004+08:00

Something meaningful I read today...

No one can teach you how to mourn. As with climbing a mountain, you can try to prepare, but it's impossible to know what will happen once you are on its steep slopes. Before my trip to Everest, I'd gone from my home in Manchester, England, to the Lake District to visit the Boningtons — Chris and his wife, Wendy. Chris and I walked with his dogs, and he listened with kind patience as I talked endlessly, repetitively, about Joe. Standing on the top of a hill, watching cloud shadows slide over the rolling green fells beneath us, Chris suddenly said to me, "I know you can't imagine it now, but one day you will fall in love again — and be happy."

- excerpt from Where the Mountain Casts Its Shadow

A Ministry of Love

2010-08-11T23:57:00.012+08:00

While I was driving back home after work, I had a bit of time to be quiet and hear myself think. Two thoughts keep popping up my mind - "serenity" and "gratitude".

I have a tough week, since Thursday night.
The passing of Jen Ruw hits me hard, not only grieving on the lost of a brother whom I always enjoyed his presence and never fail to cheer me up.
It was the memories that bring back memories…

I thought I was strong enough.
Somehow, I did not cry when I got to know about this, I did not cry when I saw him lifeless in his own room, I did not cry when I went to see him in the mortuary.
But I could not hold on to it anymore during the Wake Service. I decided to let it go and let it out.
For a moment, I could not differentiate for whom I'm grieving for; it's really tough to go through the whole thing all over again. It's like the emotional dam that you have been fortified for the past 3.5 years suddenly collapse.
But I guess it’s good to let it all out, and to start anew with God.
Once again I’m at peace with God, once again I’m reminded about what does life amounted to.

Reading Yow Looi’s sharing was indeed a great encouragement. I’m very grateful for such leader; he set a very fine and inspiring example for us to follow.

1 Cor 13:1-3,8 "... If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing ... Love never fails."

Everyone who wants to improve or be useful or effective in something, must go through hard training. Being strong does not mean being great, but the ability to withstand. But how do you train the heart to be strong? By going through trials of hurts and withstanding them.

The ministry of God is a ministry of love, for anything short of love falls short of His will, and love can only comes from the heart. In my life & ministries, many times had God put me through the test and trials of all kinds that was painful. I suppose everyone goes though their fair share of hurts. Sometimes we become fearful to put our hearts to it knowing the hurt it can come with. But if I serve not with my heart, I always feels it falls short to pleasing God because one can serve just out of duty. Many people lose heart after hurt and we go on in life bitterly and our ministries become cold. How we need to look to God, and when you get your perspectives right, you'll grow stronger instead. And that's what the ministries need. That's how we ought to serve.

The pass week has been one of the hardest days to pass. I feel like I've lost a son or a young brother. I asked God why it has to happen, not the first time, but this time it just seemed so much harder. The first time I went through the whole process of a love one dying, going through every step to the end, each process carries a great pain. But I suppose asking why is not the right question but remaining faithful is what we need to do so that in due time it will fulfill His purpose. I guess this is how our heart matures.

In the Myanmar work too, we say goodbye very suddenly all the time as we do not know when they will be resettled in 3rd countries. And so, we need to keep restarting again and again... with much love for each individual.

In Him,
Yow Looi

"Don't cry that he's gone. Be happy that you had him." - I’m grateful that I have had them in my life.

And, I need to start to care and love more.

With All I Am

2010-08-09T22:10:00.002+08:00

This song keep playing in my head for the past 3 days...
Thanks for the inspiration =)

Into Your hands
I commit again
With all I am, for You, Lord
You hold my world
In the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You’re the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am

I’ll walk with You
Wherever You go
Through tears and joy
I’ll trust in You
And I will live
In all of Your ways
And Your promises, forever

I will worship
I will worship You

Dear Jen Ruw

2010-08-06T01:44:00.013+08:00

It's a long night for many of us, and the heart is still heavy.
With the few weddings lining up in a row, who would have thought that there is a funeral ahead of them?
The memory started to play its trick, having the flashback keep playing in my mind.

From the first day we welcome you at the midst of us with our clapping, to the help you offered when I was making Raymond's memorial book, to the days in Samuel, ... and the last glance of your lifeless body in your bedroom.

I just want to let you know that I do love you as my (macho but) little brother; most important of all, I do know for sure that - God loves you, more than any one of us, and you are in very good hand right now.

31st Oct 1990 - 5th Aug 2010

I will miss you. I will miss your Garfield-like smiling face, your nonsense joke, your emo sharing, your laughter, our never-ending-whacking-each-other competition, our constant msn whipping emoticon fight; because that makes you YOU. =)

We will meet again.

Be Yourself =)

2010-08-02T22:02:00.006+08:00

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific." ~ Jane Wagner

Hehe! Don't we all sometimes fall into this mental trap...
Why do you have to be like others? LINK =)

Inconsolable?

2010-07-29T01:21:00.007+08:00

The feeling that's haunting me for quite a while, especially this few days...

I hope, for a better tomorrow.
Remember Beck Weathers, don't give up.

"The worried look, the frown, the palpitations of the heart - come because you are upset, disappointed and worried. Maturing means you have begun to see that God is in control of this world. He is working out purposes that you do not always understand, but you accept it. He will take you through the deep water, not drown you in it." ~ J. I. Packer

Happy Birthday, Sis!

2010-07-19T20:45:00.007+08:00

I shouldn't be so harsh to her on her birthday :(

Happy Birthday.
You're the bestest sister I could ever have.
I miss you too :)

Sorry ya, for being so angry on the phone call.

Code of Survival? Or the Life Fit for Living?

2010-07-09T22:39:00.016+08:00

In the name of "survival of the fittest", we stiff-arm people with ambition or trample over them in pursuit of our goal. We don't set out to hurt people; sometimes we just do.
Of course, we get elbowed and ground into the dirt, too. Life can get rough, and it REALLY is rough.
At some point we will all know what it feels like to lose. You have to learn to take it on the chin gracefully and figure out how to win the next time. That's the great lesson of sports.

But are those things you are fighting for, essential to one’s survival or happiness?

When the whole survival-of-the-fittest thing goes haywire, it can damage the part of our soul that makes us care about other people. When you don’t care, when you’re wrapped up in your own selfishness, man’s inhumanity to man becomes that much easier to ignore.

There’s got to be more to life than just survival. There’s got to be more to life than being better than everyone else. We have to survive for SOMETHING.

And what is this SOMETHING to you, and to me?

No matter how convoluted the motivations, love’s impulses often triumph over our more selfish instincts (maternal love served as a very good example here). Maybe that’s the very thing that makes life fit for living.

If life is a game of survival of the fittest - then I am a loser, big time.

But I rather be a loser than being inhumane.
Because I don't want to just survive; I want to live, in a life fit for living.
Because we were meant to live for so much more...

- Excerpt from S. Dublanica, mostly. Italic being mine.

Going Back To The Beginning

2010-07-02T00:41:00.003+08:00

Being human has to do with being made to connect with others. I am not human as God intended if I'm simply an island by myself; I'm fully human when I'm in relationship. My identity is determined not just by who came before me; it's also whoever I connect with.
Life is beautiful because of others.
This is a good time to reflect on who you are too.

Gen 1:26-27

Little Snapshots Of Life

2010-07-01T00:53:00.004+08:00

Was reading the "Waiter Rant" before my bedtime yesternight, and I love what the writer wrote about snapshots of lives:

There was something magical in the power of words...
Maybe you'll never hunt another man through the jungle. Maybe you won't climb Mount Kilimanjaro or watch a bullfight in the afternoon - you don't have to. The world's big place. You can't do or be everything, nor should you. Life is bigger than any one man. But when you read about other people's lives, when you read their stories, you catch a glimpse of a world bigger than your own.

"People say you have to travel to see the world. Sometimes I think that if you just stay in one place and keep your eyes open, you're going to see just about all that you can handle." ~ Auggie Wren, Smoke

This, kinda reminds me of what Raymond once shared to me about adventure.
He said, "the greatest adventure is often here and now", and I still remember til this day =)

This is a picture Louis took for me during the recent camp
Actually, I don't look good in here...
But I do like this picture, because it's a snapshot of me - a snapshot of my life ;)

The greatest woman I've ever known

2010-05-30T23:02:00.005+08:00

My mom is the greatest woman I've ever known =)
Her love for us gives me hope; one so selfless, so sacrificial.
I’m utterly thankful for this best thing a daughter could ever get.

I wish I could tell you about this one day…

No Choice? Yes? No?

2010-03-18T23:53:00.004+08:00

I often wonder, why am I always ended up in a nasty situation because “I've got no choice".
But today, I'm reminded that it's not that I've got no choice, but it's the choice that I would not choose… Just like what I taught my students during our class.
It’s really irony to keep asking the same old question when you already knew the answer.

Why would something started off so well, but ended up so badly? Or perhaps it’s only me?
If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Ha!

Oh well, time brings all things to light. Lets see.

Message at 27th

2009-12-29T23:58:00.004+08:00

Stumble upon this article today =)

Dec 29

Homesick for Heaven

“Our homeland is in heaven.” Philippians 3:20

This home we’re in won’t last forever. Birthdays remind us of that.

Not long ago I turned fifty. I’m closer to ninety than I am to infancy. All those things they say about aging are coming true. I’m patting myself less on the back and more under the chin. I have everything I had twenty years ago, except now it’s all lower. The other day I tried to straighten out the wrinkles in my socks and found out I wasn’t wearing any.

Aging. It’s no fun. The way we try to avoid it, you’d think we could. We paint the body, preserve the body, protect the body. And well we should. These bodies are God’s gifts. We should be responsible. But we should also be realistic. This body must die so the new body can live. “Flesh and blood cannot have a part in the kingdom of God. Something that will ruin cannot have a part in something that never ruins” (I Cor. 15:50).
1 of 365 devotionals in Grace for the Moment, Volume II
Originally excerpted from Traveling Light

Maybe, this is it =)

2009-12-15T22:22:00.003+08:00

Three

2009-11-15T22:05:00.010+08:00

It had been 3 years since you left.

People come into your life and people leave it, but there are only a few could make a lasting impact in your life.
It's strange how people's road mapped out and collide, and their life is changed forever due to the collision.

Life would not be the same without knowing you. I truly thank God for our friendship.
And this remind me of the quote that you've once share to me:
"A lifetime’s not too long, to live as friends..."
=)

Oh, and it's 2 years since the first day I've met him too...

Someday We'll Know

2009-10-21T01:09:00.009+08:00

90 miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving, I don't know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later, you're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Emelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the titanic cry

Someday we'll know, if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know, why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know, why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the 97th time tonight

Someday we'll know, if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know, why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know, why I wasn't meant for you

Someday we'll know, why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know, that I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask god just one question
Why aren't you here with me

Someday we'll know, if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know, why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know, why I wasn't meant for you

Someday we'll know, why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know, that I was the one for you

Yes, someday, we'll know... =)

May we have enough happiness to make us sweet, enough trials to make us strong, enough sorrow to keep us human, and enough hope to make us happy.

The Jane Austen Book Club

2009-10-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

Grigg Harris: One day, I'm like 10 years old, my dad takes me back to the shed and he shows me some magazines that he keeps back there. He says, "This is strictly guy stuff. It's top secret. Very private. Tell no one."
[he shows a sci-fi magazine and laughs]
Grigg Harris: So from then on... It was like... I don't know... It's like me and my dad and science fiction. These were the first books I fell in love with, and I never got over it.

Cute guy, I like him. =p

Carry Your Candle

2009-10-02T23:44:00.001+08:00

There is a candle in every soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold

Frustrated brother – see how he’s tried to light his own candle some other way
See now your sister – she’s been robbed and lied to
Still holds a candle without a flame

Carry your candle
Run to the darkness
Seek out the hopeless
Confused and torn
Seek out the lonely
The tired and worn

Hold out your candle
For all to see it
Take your candle
And go light your world

Make us a beacon in darkest time

Time for a Change? Bummer...

2009-09-30T22:26:00.007+08:00

I was rather delighted at the good news that the company has got a new account recently, because it might be an opportunity for me to work at a different environment, and to start things anew.

But today, the management had made the decision, and I gonna stay at the current project =/ though most probably with a different role.

It’s just tough, and very uneasy for me to face an untruthful person everyday.
Yes, there are a lot of untruthful people everywhere, but knowing you have once trusted someone like that, it hurts.
I am constantly frustrated at myself; and I hate myself very much, every time when I think of it.
But, there is no one else should be blamed, when you’re blinded by own foolishness.

Is it really so hard to be true?

I miss the happy faces, especially mine.

If knowing answers to life's questions is absolutely necessary to you, then forget the journey. You will never make it, for this is a journey of unknowables, - of unanswered questions, enigmas, incomprehensibles, and most of all, things unfair.
~ Jeanne Guyon ~

Happy Anniversary to the Friendship at Bizarre Place!

2009-09-24T19:45:00.005+08:00

As I was writing an email to Adam - the Aussie friend I met back in Fiji, after our last email correspondence back in 2009 New Year; much flash back of the memories came back...

It was exactly one year ago, my adventure at Fiji Island =)
I have been through good and bad times there, mostly good times. Looking at those pictures I took & the foot prints I left behind, I was indeed happy during then. I am very thankful for those companionship & support over the internet when I was extremely gloomy. Hehe!

And I could still remember clearly, me making those silly phone calls to him during my last night at Fiji... One year had gone, many things have changed.
Promises were made & broken, but life still goes on.

Be strong.

Melancholic Moment

2009-09-03T22:41:00.003+08:00

There were some researches shows that creativity and sadness are linked. They thinks that embracing some sadness can boost creative thinking and allow for more complex relationships with the rest of the world. They also points to the great history of artists, dreamers, thinkers and innovators who derived inspiration from being melancholy.

Of course, I would not agree to embrace sadness to boost creativity, but definitely they're linked, as least for me.
Most of the time, I wrote when I'm in my melancholic mode.
And I take a peep at both my old & new blog archive, I have about 180 melancholic moments compare to 12 happy moments since I start writing.

Emo? I think I'm too grown up for that =)
Effecting others with your negative emotion is something I refrain myself from doing, it doesn't help by spreading it.

An outlet to express, I would say. A tip of the iceberg how I really felt.

Pressure of life, drained me to the uttermost.

Sunset

2009-09-02T22:10:00.000+08:00

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us"

Song Fest 007

2009-08-28T23:13:00.006+08:00

It had been a year already, after my last Song Fest as a participant (Thanks goodness! Need not to sing in front of people anymore!)

But can't help but to remember those precious memories... =)

I wasn't happy all the time; but I remember - I was happy when we were singing those happy songs =)

Tomorrow is going to be another happening day for the Group 2009.
All the best, and enjoy singing praises to the Lord!

Related post: Sing a Happy Song (Aug 25, 2008)

Beautifully Imperfect

2009-08-16T21:27:00.004+08:00

"It's these small things you remember; little imperfections that make them perfect for you."

A Time for Everything

2009-08-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

* Eccl 3:1-8 *

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Yellow

2009-08-06T23:07:00.007+08:00

Prefer Jem's version of Yellow, I find her voice suit the song and the mood very well. Hmmm... Big bright moon, Jem's Yellow, (perhaps add-on a glass of wine...) - simply sexy.

YELLOW
by Jem

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah they were all yellow
I came alone
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And he was called yellow

So then i took my turn
Oh what a thing too done
And he was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know
You know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
Cause you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And he was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know
For you I bleed myself dry
For you I bleed myself dry

Its true
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

Competition Smile

2009-08-01T01:12:00.016+08:00

COMPETITION SMILE
by Gin Blossoms (the acoustic version)

Looking up I saw nothing
But blue in the bluest sky
And now it's creeping across my eye
Going down in my mind, down in my mind
I'm high and I'm hopeless
So help me to get untied
Fast asleep now I'm going blind
Falling down in my mind, down in my mind
Just fine
Emulate the style
A competition smile

Now I'm running, not looking
And opening up my brain
Where it's easy to lose my name
Looking dumb in the rain, dumb in the rain
I'm hoping you'll notice
That no one else helps me grow
Oh, it's not easy to let you know
What I'm dying to show
Dying until you know
Pretending all the while
A competition smile

Now I've thrown something far
And it haunts me like a curse
I'm like a stone
Falling hard
And I'm only getting worse

Looking up I saw nothing
But blue in the bluest sky
And now it's creeping across my eye
And going down in my mind, down in my mind
I'm high and I'm hopeless
So help me to get untied
Fast asleep now I'm going blind
Falling down in my mind, down in my mind
Just fine
Pretending all the while
A competition smile
I'm hiding high...

* good night *

Why do you have to be like others?

2009-07-30T23:41:00.012+08:00

A pretty good Thai commercial by Pantene, though the needless swing of hair at the ending performance can be a little funny.

But what struck me the most in the ad, is a conversation of the girl and the old man:

"Why am I different from others?"
"Why do you have to be like others?"

I asked God this question all the times, "Why me?", why?
Why it was me that need to go through all these tough times and not others, why I have to make such difficult choice and decision... yada yada...

And now, I've got my question answered - in a form of question. Good one.

Solitude

2009-07-27T22:55:00.002+08:00

It adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.

Greed

2009-07-26T00:20:00.003+08:00

This is an old story and a little humorous:

One day Abraham Lincoln was walking down the street with two small boys who were both crying loudly.
A neighbor passing by inquired, “What’s the matter, Abe? Why all the fuss?”
Lincoln responded, “The trouble with these lads is what’s wrong with the world; one has a nut and the other wants it!”

But it illustrates a big problem and the oldest one known to man -- greed.

Sunrise of Your Smile

2009-07-08T21:22:00.000+08:00

Reject the worldly lie that says,
That life lies always up ahead,
Let power go before control becomes a crust around your soul,
Escape the hunger to possess,
And soul-diminishing success,
This world is full of narrow lives,
I pray by grace your smile survives.

For I would wander weary miles,
Would welcome ridicule, my child,
To simply see the sunrise of your smile,
To see the light behind your eyes,
The happy thought that makes you fly,
Yes, I would wander weary miles,
To simply see the sunrise of your smile.

Now close your eyes so you can see,
Your own unfinished memories,
Now open them, for time is brief,
And you'll be blest beyond belief,
Now glance above you at the sky,
There's beauty there to blind the eye,
I ask all this then wait awhile,
To see the dawning of your smile.

"Spring" Time in Malaysia

2009-07-06T00:01:00.009+08:00

I'm not sure if you notice, there are plenty of trees blooming since 2 weeks ago =)

This is one of the very rare period, I will find driving a pleasant thing to do, because of the lovely sight of the greens and flowers along the road.

I often enjoy the last mile to my workplace, I'll get to see the canopy of trees as I turn into the main road where my client's office located, somehow it will just brighten my day.
And now, the trees around both church and my workplace, are blooming with pink, white & yellow flowers!
You know, it's hard to see flowers blooming in Malaysian city, it only comes twice a year! At times like this...

Of all the trees, my favorite definitely would be the Angsana tree!
The Angsana tree produces bright yellow flowers, and often provide very good shade with its large crown. The yellow flowers will fall to the ground during windy or rainy day, leaving the yellow carpet behind... =)
Gentle breeze + Angsana flowers >> Such a lovely sight! And it never fail to make me smile!

I guess, flowers and greens, are God's channel to colour our lives in a world that isn’t kind =)

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

2009-07-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

Simply like the title...
And the journey of Alice searching for the possibility of new life.

The farewell story told by the Alchemist

2009-05-30T00:46:00.011+08:00

A story/excerpt from the book I read recently:

In ancient Rome, at the time of Emperor Tiberius, there lived a good man who had two sons. One was in the military, and had been sent to the most distant regions of the empire. The other son was a poet, and delighted all of Rome with his beautiful verses.

One night, the father had a dream. An angel appeared to him, and told him that the words of one of his sons would be learned and repeated throughout the world for all generations to come. The father woke from his dream grateful and crying, because life was generous, and had revealed to him something any father would be proud to know.

Shortly thereafter, the father died as he tried to save a child who was about to be crushed by the wheels of a chariot. He then met the angel that had appeared in his dream in the Heaven.

"You were always a good man," the angel said to him. "You lived your life in a loving way, and died with dignity. I can now grant you any wish you desire."

"Life was good to me", the man said. "When you appeared in my dream, I felt that all my efforts had been rewarded, because my son's poems will be read by men for generations to come. I don't want anything for myself. But any father would be proud of the fame achieved by one whom he had cared for as a child, and educated as he grew up. Sometime in the distant future, I would like to see my son's words."

The angel touched the man's shoulder, and they were both projected far into the future. They were in an immense setting, surrounded by thousands of people speaking a strange language.

The man wept with happiness.

"I know that my son's poems were immortal," he said to the angel through his tears. "Can you tell me which of my son's poems these people are repeating?"

The angel came closer to the man, and, with tenderness, led him to a bench nearby, where they sat down.

"The verses of your son who was the poet were very popular in Rome," the angel said. "Everyone loved them and enjoyed them. But when the reign of Tiberius ended, his poems were forgotten. The words you're hearing now are those of your son in the military."

The man looked at the angel in surprise.

"Your son went to serve at a distant place, and became a centurion. He was just and good. One afternoon, one of his servants fell ill, and it appeared that he would die. Your son had heard of a rabbi who was able to cure illnesses, and he rode out for days and days in search of this man. Along the way, he learned that the man he was seeking was the Son of God. He met others who had been cured by him, and they instructed your son in the man's teachings. And so, despite the fact that he was a Roman centurion, he converted to their faith. Shortly thereafter, he reached the place where the man he was looking for was visiting."

"He told the man that one of his servants was gravely ill, and the rabbi made ready to go to his house with him. But the centurion was a man of faith, and looking into the eye of the rabbi, he knew that he was surely in the presence of the Son of God."

"And this is what your son said," the angel told the man. "These are the words he said to the rabbi at that point, and they have never been forgotten: 'My Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof. But only speak a word and my servant will be healed.' "

No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it.

The story above is fictional, but it does has some truth in it... =)

* Matt 8:5-13 *
* Acts 16:26-28a *

Happy Sad Song

2009-05-27T23:06:00.008+08:00

A colleague of mine sent me a link after reading my FB status.

It was a picture of clouds and sky, followed by a song lyrics.
Lemon Tree.
I never like that song, the reason is because of the suckish Mandarin version by a female Taiwanese singer... And the song was played so often during then - on the school bus radio, tv, pasar malam... basically everywhere... Ish!

But now, when I read the lyrics, I start to understand what the song writer trying to express.
It was a happy sad song, just like the Pearl Jam's Last Kiss...

The two powerful opposed metaphors. Irony of life.

All and All

2009-05-24T22:56:00.002+08:00

Give God your all. He doesn't ask us to give Him only what we would consider perfect. Give Him everything, every scrap, every part of us, everything you've kept hidden on the back shelf of your heart. Give him those things that you judge as not good enough. Hand over those areas of your life that appear to be too broken to be used. God can and will transform the good, the bad, what you deem the ugly. Let Him sift and sort things through. You'll be amazed at what the Master Creator can make out of what you might consider the shambles of your heart.

~ Katherine Walden ~

Pick Yourself Up

2009-05-21T00:11:00.004+08:00

Nothings impossible I have found
For when my chin is on the ground
I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again

Don't lose your confidence if you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again

Work like a soul inspired till the battle of the day is won
You may be sick and tired but you'll be a man my son
Don't you remember the famous man who had to fall to rise again?
They picked themselves up, dust themselves off and started all over again

The best thing about pain?

2009-05-09T20:49:00.003+08:00

Urgayle: Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain?
O'Neil: Don't know!
Urgayle: It lets you know you're not dead yet

I like this quote =)

Mystery • God

2009-04-25T21:40:00.001+08:00

The presence of mystery does not mean the absence of God.

Greetings from Kuwait

2009-03-14T23:56:00.001+08:00

So, I am in Kuwait now...
Very sudden for lots of people, and in fact myself too.

My first impression of Kuwait - It is very BROWN...
Not only because of the sand patches everywhere, but for some reason, the buildings here all in brownish tone... Trying to camouflage perhaps???

Had a not-so-good experience at Kuwait initially, cos of the communication problem & language barrier...
I was outside the airport alone, trying to get to my company's hostel, but I could not communicate to the taxi driver, they speak Arabic language and I have no clue what they were saying, and as more of them coming in trying to help, some even started speaking to each other loudly, it truly freak me out a little...

Anyway, I still managed to reach my hostel safely, but that's also when I became emo... Being alone at a foreign land - is something I find it so hard to deal with, mainly because I felt there is no sense of security...

I have decided that after I let it out, I must do something to stop the emo-ness.
It's never wrong to show your emotion, it would be inhumane to be without emotion, but we must never dwell too long in it. Because it will consume and destroy you!

And I am thankful for the reminder that Morrie gave me, it's like a energy booster at your time of need.
I am even more thankful for the person who bought me the book, it helps alot =)
I feel like there is a friend encouraging me when I feel most helpless - in fact, Morrie & Mitch, remind me alot about Raymond & I... =)

So I kick myself out from the gloomy apartment, heading to the Marina nearby for lunch & walk around, ignoring those scary warning I heard - lady should never roam around alone... And I am so GALD I did!
Sun, sea and sand - always my remedy for sadness. Took a super long lunch at the restaurant next to the Marina, savouring the food, enjoying the scenery, and reading the book =)

After that, I took off my shoes, and went for a stroll at the beach.
I never thought I could walk on the shore at the Arabian Gulf like what I was doing, I began to feel very thankful for the experience, despite of the tough time I am going thru now...

Feeling extremely sleepy right now @ 9pm Kuwait time... I shall log off soon.
Remember me in your prayer, I long to see all of you again, especially you =)

Photos, maybe tomorrow... Cheers!

Thank You on this Special Day

2009-02-26T00:07:00.001+08:00

This song always remind me of you...

Thank You (for giving to the Lord)
by Ray Boltz

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me;
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea.
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name.
We turned and saw a young man running
And he was smiling as he came.

And he said, "Friend you may not know me now."
And then he said, "But wait,
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight.
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start.
And one day when you said that prayer,
I asked Jesus in my heart."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

Then another man stood before you
And said, "Remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry.
You didn't have much money,
But you gave it anyway.
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I'm here today."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

One by one they came
Far as the eye could see.
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity.
Little things that you had done,
Sacrifices made,
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven, now proclaimed.

And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes.
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord.
He said, "My child, look around you.
Great is your reward."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

How are you? I miss you dearly =)

Dirty Car

2009-01-03T21:18:00.005+08:00

Finally, I am thankful for being a Malaysian car owner after I read this from Wiki:

Believe it or not, but it's actually illegal to drive around in a dirty car in Oman. You may get stopped by the police who can fine you OMR5, although they are more likely to just tell you to wash your ride.

I will really get fine weekly if I own a car at Oman...

Christmas, isn't Christmas

2008-12-25T00:50:00.001+08:00

Christmas, isn’t Christmas
Till it happened in your heart
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts...

Blessed Christmas =)

The Rose

2008-12-22T23:10:00.001+08:00

Heard this song on the radio on my way to work today, the lyrics indeed cut to my heart, and I love it immediately...

THE ROSE
(by Bette Midler)

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed

It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love, in the spring
Becomes the rose

730

2008-11-15T00:28:00.001+08:00

已经过了730天...
I still miss you dearly

I'm just not sure enough

2008-11-01T23:25:00.004+08:00

Things change, plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise, hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the rides too rough
When you're just not sure enough

Time flies, hearts turn
A little bit wiser from lessons learned
But sometimes, weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again
When the going gets tough
When the rides too rough
When you're just not sure enough

I AM SO TORN BETWEEN

Do you have enough nice pictures?

2008-10-31T01:39:00.007+08:00

Have you ever wonder what will happen to you after your passing to the afterlife? Is there really a new world at the other side of the rainbow?

I have been thinking over this question lately, wondering if my times is up...
I always have this thought whenever the pain came back and haunt me, silly me.

Somehow, at the midst of my grey grey world, some light shed upon me through a movie & a song.

"Like you come to the island and had a holiday. Sun didn't burn you red-red, just brown. You sleep and no mosquito bite you. But the truth is, it bound to happen if you stay long enough. So take that nice picture you got in your head home with you, but don't be fooled... If we're lucky, maybe, we got some nice pictures to take with us."

Yes, how true... Every face we see and meet is a memory.
In life we are bound to have our ups and downs, therefore each picture may not be a perfect memory. But the important bit is, we can choose to remember the good part, the beautiful moment of everyone you've come across.

If this is the last moment of your life, do you have enough nice pictures with you?
For that matter, did YOU and ME have our nice picture taken together? I hope we did =)
Don't wait until it's too late.

Dudette at Live & Inspire

2008-10-21T01:24:00.003+08:00

Nigel features me at his bi-weekly online magazine "Live & Inspire", Dude/Dudette, I want your job! section.

Do bear in mind, some of the details were edited by the editor & chief editor, could be a lil exaggerate, but not too far from the truth ;)

In love with Jacaranda

2008-10-06T01:19:00.004+08:00

I am so thankful to be here at the right time to see the blooming Jacaranda trees everywhere at Brisbane!
So I went around following the trace of Jacaranda trees, I am just so in love with it! =)

Me @ Sunshine Coast

The romantic Brisbane river at night

Back to Brisbane CBD again!

JACARANDA TREE @ New Farm Park

St Mary Cathedral @ Ipswich

Fiji Day 20: Pergi Mana

2008-10-04T23:49:00.006+08:00

Okay, I was wrong... I manage to take a look at the nicer part of the Island ^.^
Went to the west of Fiji Island - Nadi to stay for a day.
Must thanks Richard for the recommendation and Vodafone for the good rate, I check-in to Hilton resort and went out for a splendid day cruise to Mana Island.

Everything excites me at the west side of Fiji - the sun, the sea, the sandy beaches, the resort, etc...

Some misadventures happened, but for good!
I end up having some VIP treatment in a BMW, from "entah mana is this Mana Island" to "I'm glad I pergi Mana" =p , met a cute baby girl and her pretty mother while sun bathing, and so on...

Everything seems so good at my last day at Fiji, except it would have been better, if I have a company by my side =)

At Denarau Island Hilton Resort

At Mana Island

Sun-bathing

The beautiful Fiji from the sky

Fiji Day 19: One last glance of Suva

2008-10-03T22:00:00.006+08:00

Today is my 19th day at Suva, Fiji.

Time flies; still can remember during the first week when I am here & the miserable period after Adam left, can't stop thinking about home and seriously wanna leave this place asap.
And finally, I will be leaving here in 3.5 hours from now; will be going to the Nausori airport at 5.30am to catch my flight to Nadi at 7:05am. Maybe some of you will still be awake by that time ;)

Some people might think that it's a waste that I leave Fiji without having a glimpse of how beautiful the coast line is around the island, didn't went to the native village to see their performance, didn't have a chance to taste their famous Kava, and perhaps some others must do/see thingy.

But, I have seen the other side of Fiji, the very local one. Not those that you can see from the advertisement - of sea, sandy beaches, island, paradise, etc...
But isn't that what I always wanted? To experience the real local life at different part of the world... This is really one of the good memories I have in my lifetime. And I have bring home so many precious friendships =)

So, I am thankful, and count myself blessed =) Espeacially for His protection and provision along the way.

And yes, like I said earlier, I'll be flying to Nadi tomorrow, stop for a day, to see the nicer part of the island as a compensation for my extension and missing out the Raya holidays ^.^
Then flying to Brisbane, pay Jee Aik a visit, stay for a day. Will be flying back home on Monday night, and finally reach KL on Tuesday morning.

Knowing that you'll be one step closer to home day by day, is SIMPLY GREAT!! =)

* Pictures of My last week at Suva here.

Fiji Day 13: Bathing with Fishes & Sun

2008-09-27T18:53:00.013+08:00

After loooong 13 days at Fiji, finally I get to soak myself in the sea & sunshine. Unbelievable huh? But it's true... So near yet so far... That's exactly the situation at Suva.

So took a 45min bus ride to Pacific Harbour this morning. Kinda scary, only me alone get down from the bus at the Pearl Resort.

Missed the shark dive... But nevermind, don't think I am ready for it too. As I have never swim in sea water for more than 2 yrs already, since my last diving course at Lang Tengah...
Enjoyed a short snorkel at the Comb Reef nearby, swimming with fishes!
Took a nap on the hammock, with the rain & sunshine taking alternate shift every 15min...
After lunch, the weather got better, no more rain. So I walk around. Swim at the pool. Then air dry myself at the hammock again.
Ended the day with some sun bathing session at the pool side. Now I am 2 shade darker, look even more like Indon maid...

Oh! And I got to know the resort GM too, he said will give me a good room next time, but I doubt there will be any next time thou...

A good day trip. I must thank God for keeping me safe so far.

And the last update from Suva today is - I got sunburn, cos didn't reapply sunblock... Now look like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer @.@

Fiji Day 11: A Day of Change

2008-09-25T17:45:00.006+08:00

Today I've change

My hotel room in Holiday Inn Suva! Finally...
My domestic flight ticket to get out of Suva to Nadi
My international flight ticket to from Nadi to Brisbane
My flight ticket home from Brisbane to KL! *I miss my home sweet home sweet, so much*
My room booking at Brisbane

Now I've finally got a room with a garden & sea view =) I really feel much better now.
Compare to my previous room that has got no view (facing the central central block roof); has got 2 queen size beds (that I'm not gonna use anyway); and the worse is, it's just too quiet, it makes the solitary worse... At least now I can get to hear the sound & music from the garden.
The change of environment suddenly makes me don't feel so gloomy anymore =)
Am thankful again.

This is what I can see from my room balcony now

Fiji Day 10: Solitary ahead... =(

2008-09-23T21:34:00.003+08:00

The long awaited sunset, but yet something is amiss...
I am sad.

Fiji Day 8: Friendship at Bizarre Places =)

2008-09-22T21:25:00.006+08:00

That's us! After the great farewell dinner =)

* Our journey on Day 7 *
* Our journey on Day 8 *

Fiji Day 6: Serendipity at Suva

2008-09-20T23:23:00.003+08:00

The fateful Saturday where I met both a nasty local & a great new friend!
Good things come when you least expect them =)

The place where we met

Finally I've got a company again =)

Fiji Day 5: He heard me!

2008-09-19T21:37:00.007+08:00

Today is my 5th day at Fiji, but 6th day away from home & my beloved family.
I miss my mom so much this few days, but I don't wanna call home, yet, am a little worry that I may burst into tears when I listen to their voice... Haha! Silly me...
And as I was whining over my home-sickness, mom called!!! =)

God must have been listening to me, what a comforting fact!
Wanted to express my utmost gratitude towards His protection & guidance so far, thank You =)

Took this picture at the water front at the hotel I stayed, took me ages to upload this re-re-re-sized version... Just to let those who concern bout me, I am alright here - safe & sound, thanks to His grace.
Many thanks for your constant care & support, miss you all!

Fiji Day 2: Bula Suva!

2008-09-16T20:22:00.003+08:00

The training at VFF officially started tomorrow, therefore I grab the opportunity to walk around Suva town center to get myself familiarize with the surroundings, and pay the client a visit at the noon.

Let the pictures do the talking =)

Fiji Sep'08 - Day 2

Fiji Day 1: Cabin Fire! (Almost)

2008-09-15T23:54:00.003+08:00

Story later... Picture preview first =)

That's me just on board the plane to Fiji, still happy!

# Edit 1 month later:
No time to pen down the entire story, the summary is - I thought I was going to die in plane crash, but yet I survive.

More pictures on Day 1 here.

Sydney CBD Walkabout!

2008-09-15T21:45:00.008+08:00

I grab the opportunity to stop over at Sydney for a day before flying off to Fiji ^.^
I literally walked the entire Sydney CBD... (Almost... At least 80% if it, hehe!)

Airport - Kent St - QVB - Town Hall - St Andrew - ANZAC Memorial - Australian Museum - Archibald Fountain - Cook & Philip Park - St Mary - Hyde Park Barrack - St James - Sydney Hospital - NSW Parliament - NSW State Library - Royal Botanic Garden - Mrs Macquarie's Chair - Opera House - Circular Quay - hotel - zZzz - Circular Quay - The Rocks - Harbour Bridge - George St - Darling Harbour - Kent St - hotel - zZzz - Airport

A very satisfying stay at Sydney CBD, I really wanted to come again...
As I didn't get to meet up with my friends there this time, and also you'll never be bored of the beauty of Sydney =)
Now I wonder what will be in store for me at Fiji...

Intramuros, Manila

2008-09-07T22:42:00.013+08:00

During the second day of my stay at Manila, I manage to set aside 4 hours to visit a nearby town named Intramuros - which means "City within the Walls" in Spanish.

Beautiful statues & old church building on my way to Intramuros

Rizal Park
(A place I wish to visit but too bad have to give it up due to the time constraint)

Fort Santiago Gate

Plaza Armas - the fort's main square

A the entrance of Rizal Shrine.
His statement & motto in life truly move my heart, no wonder Dr Jose Rizal was term as the Philippine's national hero.

"Man ought to die for his duty & convictions..."
"... I shall die happy, satisfied with the thought that all I have suffered, my life, my love, my joys, my everything, I have sacrificed..."
Does that ring a bell to you? That just remind me of Paul so much.
And the mission God had call each of us to heed.

The short trip ended here at a stroll at the Baywalk

The visit to the ruined city and the Rizal museum, shed a very different light on Philippine for me.
Even though the people here are having a lower living standard and generally poorer than those of Malaysian. But after you got to know their history, the hardship they have gone through, you tend to respect them more. Especially with such a outstanding national hero as their role model. Difficulties shape your character, this is so true. I find the local folks here, they are very full of character and lively. And all these make this country and this place beautiful...
I can't conclude that everyone here is very warm and friendly, but at least the people I've met here, are being really nice to me. This is something I am truly thankful for =)

More pictures here:
# Manila Sep'08

Tracing his footsteps

2008-09-07T00:15:00.014+08:00

Had a little adventure, with only a piece of paper in my hand, I started my journey.
I found the street, I found the building.
I went into the building, then the lift. I pressed the button, and went up.
At the lift lobby, I chose the left turn, walk til the end, and I found the place.

Then I turnaround and walk away, before anyone could notice an intruder like me,
and before my tears burst out.
And I thought I am stronger than I can imagine, cos I managed to hold it right there.

But yet I cried that night, before I went to bed, silly me.

"Be Strong!"

Manila Business Trip

2008-09-02T23:58:00.008+08:00

Only got to know about the impromptu business trip last Friday evening, spent the whole long weekend making preparation for that, not to forget the Genting brainstorming meeting in between the busy schedule.

Manila - same destination, my first business trip, but his last.
I came here with a special & complicated feelings, maybe this is the reason I'm not scare at all, even when I have to travel alone =)

my boarding pass

traditional local transportation

traffic in Manila, jam like KL, if not worse

the place where I stay

my room

Sing a Happy Song

2008-08-25T23:24:00.012+08:00

Well, the season of mic stand and smiley face is now finally over! Hehe!
Good memories of singing happy songs together.
For me, it doesn't really matter who won the event, as long as we did all these together a group, and truly enjoy our moments of singing our lung out for the Lord =)

Seh Weng - You made me proud =)

Pretty Suet Ling in action here

Setting our mic & position right
(note YB's facial expression here, lol!)

Our boys in white

Our ever energetic & excited conductor
Thank David, your support means alot to us =)

"Waves of mercy, Waves of grace..."

Thank Yen Yen, am so glad to have you with us.
Things wouldn't be so happy without your presence =)

All of us singing our heart out for the Lord

Yeah, this is the miang pose that make them tease me non-stop...

"Yeah!"
All of us is in the air here! Hehe ^.^

Finally, finished =)

Our soloist Jen Ruw in his Daughtry style

So happy after that! Love my smile here =)
The cute girl popping up behind us is our lovely pianist Cheryl!
Thank you so much, we truly enjoyed your presence =)

Me & sweet Lynn again

Wing, Cheryl, YenLing & me
I looked like kena sun burn...
( pic courtesy fr Cheryl, kekeke )

Samuel girls with our Pianist =)
Another pic steal fr Cheryl, hehe!

That's us! SAMUEL 2008!

Scandalous news of Ex Comrade

2008-08-18T11:21:00.008+08:00

I got to know this scandalous news last week...

Haha! Just a joke k? :p

Just a short post to draw your attention, to tell you that we miss you alot =)
And don't simply find a wife out there... kakakaa!

Look Above!

2008-08-11T23:38:00.007+08:00

Took these pictures after I sent Anne off.

Every time I look up at the sky, I remember this: God is good.
=)

The Love Chapter

2008-08-09T23:03:00.003+08:00

1 Cor 13

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Life is all about love. Because God is love, the most important lesson He wants us to learn is how to love.

Everything we do can be unless and in vain if there is no love.

True love says, I love you and will go through fire, sorrow and trouble for you.
True love is able to endure suffering and yet remain sweet and kind.
Perfect love drives out fear (1 Jn 4:18).
Through suffering our character matures and deepens. Love that turns to hate overnight was mere human love or perhaps only an infatuation...

God manifested His love by giving.
John 3:16 - depict the greatest act of love!

Remember: The best use of life is love; the best expression of love is time; the best time to love is now. =)

This is the topic on LOVE I gonna teach in my class tomorrow, good night!

You must not be wrong...

2008-08-08T00:08:00.006+08:00

In life, we human-being, are prone to make mistakes.
All the wrong doings may result in different level of negative consequences... But ONE thing in life, we CANNOT and MUST NOT be wrong - that's the concept of God.

John 4:24

I'm thankful for the reminder today.
Enlighten me Lord!

Cowardice asks the question: is it safe? Expediency asks the question: is it politic? Vanity asks the question: is it popular? But conscience asks the question: is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular - but one must take it simply because it is right.
~ Martin Luther King Jr. ~

Starry, starry night

2008-07-28T21:03:00.007+08:00

Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...

Unpleasant event happened. I was very depressed yesterday night. Couldn't sleep well, therefore was having migraine since the moment I woke up... Sigh!
Why?

Why Oh Why?

2008-06-18T00:37:00.010+08:00

As I was screaming in my heart many many questions "Why these things have to keep happening?" "Why I have to carry this burden for so long?" So many "Why o why?"...

A brother send this song to me, a beautiful song that help to soothe my broken heart. Thank you!

It remind me that imperfection - that’s what I am , but yet God loves me. Therefore there is still a reason to love, I should learn to love him the same too...
Give me the courage to go on, because I have You.

I hope to see the day when he will be saved and be included in the family of God =)

What pleases you the most?

2008-06-17T00:23:00.008+08:00

Today during a casual conversation, my friend asked me a good question, "What pleases you the most?"

I told him, without the need of worrying and thinking pleases me the most, being with the loved one pleases me the most.

Sometimes, I really worry too much, that means, I still didn't trust enough...
"Don't trust to hold God's hand; let Him hold yours. Let Him do the holding, and you the trusting."
I believe I already found the One that is able to give me all that I need, but am I letting Him in control?

So, what pleases you the most? =)

Happy Father's Day 2008

2008-06-15T23:37:00.012+08:00

We had our Father's Day celebration last Sat, while my sis and family is still in KL.
Brought them to Lookout Point Bread & Olive, their first time there ;)
But I think I forgot to call my brother to join in... Ops! Haha!

Some picture we took :)

The KL skyline, my family are impressed

The Teng sisters, cute right?

My nieces & ISis and family

Mom & Dad =)

The FOOD! Only 1 decent picture, the rest forget to take... Haha!

Some video I took for Yuan Yuan:
(note: I wasn't the one that humming the Barney song ar...)

Yuan Yuan in action 1

Yuan Yuan in action 2

But the bad thing, we have to leave in hurry cos of the sudden bugs attack! Stupid bugs...

Anyway, I am thankful for good moment we had together as a family.
And... despites of the shortcomings (Well, no one is perfect, neither do I!), I shall still thank my Dad for being the breadwinner for the family for umpteenth years =)

The Power of Love

2008-06-12T23:17:00.004+08:00

I throw my painful back at the driver seat after long hours of coding & scripting at work, then I take a look at the clock, it was already 8:50pm... "Argh! I am so tired..."

Suddenly a thought caught my attention, I picked up my handphone and start calling my mom, tell her that I'm on my way home, and do expect me to be late for dinner. I think I have never call home to inform whenever I'm late, usually mom will be the one that called after certain time if I'm not home yet. And she often complaint that I am too carefree to call home every time I'm expect to be late.

I remembered once Raymond shared this in PD Camp 2006, during the "Battle of the Sexes" closing; he said, people often thought a person should be full of energy when he/she started off their day in the morning, but it was the contrary, he find greater strength when he go home each night, when he looked at the wife and the daughter, the person that he love most...

It's just so true =)
After the phone call, I felt very much refreshed. Suddenly I'm not tired anymore, because I remembered, people that I love most (and love me most) is waiting for me at home...

The driving force out of love is simply amazing. It was the same driving force that keep me going for all these years, else I would have given up as I struggle in this tough reality. Life is really tough!

As my thought go on, I remembered the loving act of Christ...

It was the power of the love - the love He had for sinners like us, that keep him going; from the false accusation & betrayal to the trial, from the trial to the flogging & mocking, from the long journey of Via Dolorosa to the cross of Calvary...

It was not the nails that held Him on the cross, but His love for us... The love that beyond our human mind can fathom.

I often pray that I would be able to understand, or catch a glimpse of the extend of His love for me, help me Lord!
May the power of Your love change my stone-cold heart...

Petra VBS 2008

2008-06-11T00:02:00.016+08:00

*cough cough sneeze sneeze*

Back from Camp Transformation for almost a week, and I am sick for a week too...

Went to see doctor for the back pain+ sore throat + cough; cost me RM130 inclusive of the electric physiotherapy... The doctor said I had a sever muscle pull konon-nye, and that is not the end of the bad news yet... He said, I need about 6 - 10 weeks to fully recover! *faint*

Have not get hold of all the camp photo yet, so Camp post on hold.

Anyhow, I wanted to give thanks for the Camp, and also for the VBS!

Brought my niece to the VBS, for the 2nd time after last year.
Last year attempt wasn't that successful, she only stayed for half a day out of 2 days, then she merajuk say tired wanna go home =.=*

But this year she stayed for full 2 days! Without my company too!
I send her to the VBS before I go to work in the morning, and when I come home, I asked her about the happenings at VBS.

Though there were some hick up at the beginning - you can see her sour face at the first picture below, haha!
But am truly glad she enjoyed the VBS programme eventually, note the smiley face after that =)

Click here for more pictures

There is no other way

2008-06-10T00:46:00.008+08:00

At times, I am so lost and I always wonder, what will be the plan You in store for me...
I want to run, I want to hide, but no avail - there is no other way...

[God desires] not that He may say to them, "Look how mighty I am, and go down upon your knees and worship", for power alone was never yet worthy of prayer; but that He may say thus: "Look, my children, you will never be strong but with my strength. I have no other to give you. And that you can get only by trusting in me. I can not give it you any other way. There is no other way.
~ George Macdonald ~

Back from Camp'08

2008-06-03T17:54:00.000+08:00

Camp Transformation 2008 : 30th May ~ 3rd Jun 2008

SPL the Movie

2008-05-19T01:15:00.003+08:00

Just finished watching the show SPL (Thanks Nigel for the projector ^.^ ), and I am still so thrill with it! Even though I was like, erm... 3 yrs late... Sigh! Really no time for movie.
But then again... I really really hate the ending... :(

I am still so in love with Donnie Yen! Argh! My perfect man since I was like 10 0r 11 yrs old?
Love everything about him, not only in the movie but also in real life, such a skilled & talented man, I guess the only flaw bout him is... erm, not tall enough? But he already deserved 99% without the height, the remaining 1% - cos he doesnt belongs to me... How sad...

The silver lining within

2008-05-18T01:04:00.007+08:00

I often love to take pictures of the clouds & the sky, because it always reminds me of the silver lining within. Hope - is what keeping me alive...

View from my house parking lot before I go to work @ 1-Sep-06

On my way to collect my car, after I finish work at DiGi @ 1-Apr-08

At HK Ocean Park, on the ferris wheel @ 19-Mar-07

Brisbane @ 3-May-08

Right outside DiGi Lot 8 @ 13-May-08

"I remember once walking along the beach with a friend. We spoke intensely about our relationship, trying hard to explain ourselves to each other and to understand each other's feelings. We were so preoccupied with our mutual struggle that we didn't notice the magnificent sunset spreading a rich spectrum of colour over the foam-capped waves breaking on the wide, silent beach. Suddenly my friend exclaimed: "Look. look at the sun, look!" He put his arm around my shoulder, and together we gazed at the shimmering ball of fire vanishing gradually below the horizon of the wide ocean. At that moment, we both knew about hope and joy." ~ Anonymous

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. (Ps 31:24)

Appreciate what you have

2008-05-15T22:12:00.007+08:00

Due to the recent happening at Burma (cyclone) & China (earthquake), I really have to start reminding myself not to take things for granted & give thanks for all the blessing God gave me - knowing that I do not deserve any of them, and stop being so selfish in everything...

And it's no coincident that I saw this video clip forward by a friend, a great reminder from God perhaps. Good food for thought:

If the LORD had not been on my side...

2008-05-12T23:06:00.011+08:00

*** HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! ***

I did not make it for the Mother's Day lunch, because we're having Leaders' Training at the same time, so they had the family lunch without me.

I hope our trip to Aussie can be considered an early Mother's Day present for her.
Erm... Yes, we still quarrel over there, even though sis already reminded me not to... my bad... But it's nothing serious, we just had difference of opinion & different perspective to value certain things.
Anyway, I hope the trip would be something to be remembered between me & my mom.
I hope mom will understand that I do love her, a lot, even though I don’t know how to (or failed) to show it. I am never good at expressing my true feelings…
Well at least, if one day I'm gone, before her, she would have this good piece of memory with her =)

And I was reading Psalm 124 as my QT before I go to bed, I want to take this opportunity to write a thank you note to the Lord for the wonderful holiday He allowed me to.

If the LORD had not been on our side, I would not have such a wonderful vacation with mom…
Thank God for all the guidance, else we would have been so lost out there, at a country where we know nothing of.
Thank God for all the good people we met.
Thank God for J, who was there for me when I am so lost.
Thank God for the great weather and beautiful scenery.
Thank God for being in control of all things.
Thank God for His provision & protection along the way, so that we may return home safely.
Thank God for giving us such a wonderful memory.

In fact, there is more to give thanks of, but I shall stop at seven – the number of perfection for today…

Dear God, it is good to be able to write to You again =)

Gold Coast & Brisbane (1st - 4th May 08)

2008-05-10T21:43:00.004+08:00

Australia - Gold Coast Day 1

Australia - Gold Coast Day 2a

Australia - Gold Coast Day 2b

Australia - Brisbane Day 1a

Australia - Brisbane Day 1b

Australia - Brisbane & Gold Coast (Last Day)

The Real Adversary

2008-05-09T21:17:00.008+08:00

This is a blog post by a good friend M, did a copy & paste job here, because what he said was indeed very true...

A few days ago I was talking to a very close brother asking him, “Why is a man unhappy?” We came to a conclusion that men are unhappy because of 2 things… When he can’t get something he wants and when he loses something that is close to his heart.

Today wasn’t a particularly happy day for me because many things haven’t gone my way. This particular event brought my thought to a very important lesson in my life. Throughout the years of my life, I have learnt from experience that the real foe isn’t these unhappy times… The real adversary is those happy times, where I can have everything I want. These are times when I become too complacent and let the enemy in to slowly destroy my outer defences. These are the times when I let my guard down and slowly be sucked by the enemy’s lie and deceit.

So, while today and I believe many days ahead would be a hard one for me, I believe that “in all things He works for the good of those who love him, who has been called according to his purpose.” It’s no longer a theological or theoretical lesson for my life has proven it again & again that hard times, unhappy times… these are the times that mould me, that change me and make me become a better person.

I am so agree!

Back from Gold Coast & Brisbane

2008-05-05T20:07:00.001+08:00

Gold Coast - Brisbane : 1st ~ 4th May 2008

Simply wonderful trip...
=)

HK Trip Photo Spree

2008-04-21T20:19:00.009+08:00

Macau Stopover 1

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 1

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 2a

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 2b

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 3a

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 3b

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 3c

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 4a

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 4b

Hong Kong - City of Light - Day 4c

Macau Stopover 2

I am only a child...

2008-04-19T00:34:00.004+08:00

A wake up call for all of us... And a great reminder as how to live our life responsibly, especially us - those who called ourselves Christian - who are called to be in these soul saving business.

"let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth"

Can we make a different?

Partnership in Christ

2008-04-14T00:51:00.015+08:00

Today, during our 2nd Leaders' Training session, we talked about "Partnership".

To have this "Partnership", first we need to have a common vision in mind, and therefore being able to synergize each other to go the distance we never thought we could.

As I reminiscent the past few years being a leader in the youth, the partnership I misses the most, is the partnership with Yen Ling during JM year.
Year 2006 - the JM year is such an eventful year, that it will never get wipe out from my memory...

We both had a so-called disastrous start, haha! I shall spare you from the not-so-exemplary details. But yet we can see how God works wonderfully in our friendship =)
From ignoring each other existence, to being able to understand each other better, to learn to respect each other, to learn to open up to each other, and to being able to support one another both mentally & spiritually.

I remember the hard work we have to go thru when we were sewing the Scottish kilts in Linus’ house, almost every night. I remember the down time we've go thru together as a group, to learn to handle defeats & disappointments. I remember both the difficult and happy moments while supporting our group & commander. I remember how you being a good example, of handling certain situations that I would never be “cool” enough to deal with it. I remember how we've support one another with our strengths and weaknesses. I remember how we used to share our burden in the ministry together. I remember how we've try to be there for each other during the hard time we each have to go thru personally. I remember how you've show your support during the most difficult moment of my life. I would never be able to come this far without you.

I don’t know if you would ever read this, but I thank God for having you in my life, you are one of the beautiful friend and sister, that God had so graciously bestow upon me to make my life beautiful. Things would certainly not the same without you...

And I do not have the time to pen down the late-blooming partnership with Nigel last year… It was such a privilege to begin my “deputy-ship” (if there is such word) with such a talented Commander…

But today, when I look around, I miss these people…
I long to have this Partnership in Christ experience once more, if God is willing. But would that happen again? I wonder..

Dear God, help me!
Don't forget in the darkness, what you've learn in the light.

It had been very long...

2008-03-24T23:07:00.008+08:00

Dear God,
It had been really long, that I did not write to you...
I am sorry for this... Please forgive me for being so ignorant, so selfish...
Failure and disappointment sometimes lead me to despair. I hide behind my pride and self-pity, withdrawing from you and others. Give me the hope I need and help me never to be afraid to begin again.

:(

Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pains, to a dear friend. Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you conquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them: show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others.
~ Francois Fenelon ~

Tag X 2

2008-03-22T23:41:00.001+08:00

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR :
1. People that I love accept Christ, then we shall see each other for eternity
2. Real joy
3. Holiday trip!!! Anywhere will do, except a few places that I go until muak... =p
4. (don't really need other thing)
5. -

THE PERSON WHO TAGGED ME IS : Nigel =] & then later Ee May

YOUR 5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM:
1. One of the famous dude in College
2. Very very talented
3. My favorite GelFM ;)
4. Melayu...
5. Likes to hide himself

YOUR 5 IMPRESSIONS OF HER:
1. Louis' sister, but how come doesn't look alike one...
2. Chubby, pinch-able
3. One of the favorite object to make fun of
4. Love food
5. Cheerful

MOST MEMORABLE THINGS HE HAS GIVE/DONE FOR YOU
A lot in fact, esp the Photo Album for my Birthday ;)

MOST MEMORABLE THINGS SHE HAS GIVE/DONE FOR YOU
Our HK Trip!

THE MOST MEMORABLE WORDS HE SAID TO YOU
(we yak alot, alot of meaningful topics, but can't remember a specific one... sowee)

THE MOST MEMORABLE WORDS SHE SAID TO YOU
(tak ingat also)

IF HE BECOMES YOUR LOVER, YOU WILL
Erm... Wow! very difficult to answer... Haha! Normally I don't know how to answer question with assumption =p

IF SHE BECOMES YOUR LOVER, YOU WILL
I am 'straight' k...

IF HE/SHE BECOMES YOUR ENEMY, THE REASON WILL BE
Never will, right? ;)

PASS THE QUIZ TO 5 PEOPLE THAT YOU WISH TO KNOW HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT YOU:
1. Yvonne
2. Carol
3. Yannie
4. Nigel *tag u back, kakakaka!
5. Ee May

1. WHO IS NO.3 HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?
Sehwy

2. WHO IS NO.5 HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?
According to the latest rumors (or joke), Dillon... LOL!

3. IF NO.3 AND NO.2 ARE TOGETHER, WILL IT BE A GOOD THING?
Lesbianism prohibited

4. WHAT ABOUT NO.4 AND NO.5?
Can try, they went to Phuket together for vacation before... Hahaha!

5. WHAT IS NO.3 STUDYING?
Form 5, SPM

6. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU CHATTED WIT NO.5?
Just now, in church

7. DOES NO.4 WORK?
Yep, and he is lovin it

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY COUSIN IN HIS/HER OWN SCHOOL?
(What kind of question is this...)

9. WILL U BE WITH NO.1?
I stress again, lesbianism prohibited

10. HOW ABOUT NO.5?
Refer to Q2, rumors has it that she was taken, they even hold hand in the public...

11. DOES NO.2 HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
Yep, 2

12. HOW DID U GET TO KNOW ABOUT NO.2 AND NO.4?
From PYP

13. WHERE DOES NO.1 LIVE AT?
Tmn Teratai, opps, again expose ur location to potential stalker

14. HOW DID U GET TO KNOW NO.2?
I answered at Q12 already ma... Anyway, I got to know her better during Group Andrew '07 =)

15. IS NO.5 THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?
Ask Dillon... LOL (Don't whack me ar...)

50 Questions

2008-03-22T23:36:00.001+08:00

Got this tag from Amilia, sorry for being so late ;)

1. Last person you had a deep and meaningful conversation with?
Ernie

2. Where was the last place you went?
Church

3. If you could be with your first love, would you?
Never look back

5. Who was your first crush????
Maybe Donnie Yan

6. What was the last thing you highlighted?
Few sentences in the book "Purpose Driven Life"

7. Who is the last baby that you held?
Teng Zheng Yuan, my cutie niece

8. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
Yes

9. Are you ticklish?
Very

10. Have you ever worn a crown?
Sadly... no, maybe i wasnt meant for that

11. Last time you saw fireworks?
Malaysia International Fireworks Competition @ Sep'07

12. Who is the last person you hugged?
Teng Zheng Yi

13. Do you have a black dog?
Nah

14. Do you have a little black dress?
Yes, too little that I don't think I can fit in anymore...

15. What are you wearing right now?
Tee & shorts

16. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Sister

17. Do you like coffee?
Kinda

18. Are you missing someone?
Yes

19. Reason behind why you last cried?
I lost something

20. How much cash do you have on you?
P&C, not alot

25. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
This is the age of digital camera & phone camera...

26. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret?
To change a regret

27. What's on your mind right now?
Aloof

28. Do you have a deep dark secret?
Kinda

29. Do you wish you were with someone right now?
Yes

30. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
Don't have

31. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?
I never got grounded

32. What was your childhood nickname?
*secret*

33. Do you have any strange phobias?
Yes. Wake up at mid night.

34. Have you ever played naked twister?
Ape tu? Pervert games?

36. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Thief!

38. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
Myself

39. Do you crack your knuckles?
No

40. What's one thing that can always be found in your refrigerator?
Eggs

41. What color are your bed sheets?
Purple, pink, blue, orange

42. How many kids do you plan on having?
Don’t know yet.

43. What did you do today?
Sleep, unpack, go to church

44. How would you like to die?
Die young, but without regret

45. Have you ever been in love?
Yes

46. When is the last time you went out of the state (province)?
Last week

49. Do you judge people?
Trying hard not to

50. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
Spending time with love ones