4

This is the fourth year. You're dearly missed.
I wonder, how long more til my turn to go to the other side...
=)

Social Distortion

We're living in a distorted world today.

We are so "connected" to the world thanks to the Internet & mobile phone network; but yet we're so disconnected with each other.
We seems to know so much about the happenings at a person's life, thanks to all the updates at facebook, twitter & probably bloggie too. But often it's just superficial, we never know what happened "deep within"...

Tonight, when Mr Lian reminded us that we all are the being that needed relationship. I do agree, strongly in fact. But yet too often I dread about building relationships. I have my own "social distortion" to deal with.
Because I know the more I attached to a person, the more painful it will be when the person had to leave you - either to the next phase of life, or stay out of your life.

I wish, I really wish that I will have the "mind of a traveler" when I have to leave this place - just say goodbye and never look back.

In times like this, I only wanted to sing this out loud: "How far is heaven, Lord can you tell me?"

"Heaven"

Save me from this prison
Lord help me get away
Cause only you can save me now
From this misery
Cause I've been lost in my own place
And I'm getting' weary
How far is heaven
And I know I need to change
My ways of livin'
How far is heaven, Lord can you tell me

Cause I've been locked up way too long
In this crazy world, how far is heaven
I just keep on prayin' Lord
Just keep on livin', how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven
I just got to know how far, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me

Tu que estas en alto cielo,
Echame tu bendiciòn

Cause I know there's a better place
Than this place I'm livin', how far is heaven
So I just got to show some faith
And just keep on giving, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven
I just wanna know how far, how far is heaven,
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven,
'cause I just gotta know how far,
I just wanna know far

I see Thee not, I feel Thee not; but Thou art here

Distinguish between the fact of God's presence, and the emotion of the fact.
It is a happy thing when the soul seems desolate and deserted, if our faith can say, "I see Thee not. I feel Thee not, but Thou art certainly and graciously here, where I am as I am." Say it again and again: "thou art here: though the bush does not seem to burn with fire, it does burn.
I will take the shoes from off my feet, for the place on which I stand is holy ground.

~ Author Unknown ~

Every exit is an entry somewhere

Alexander Graham Bell once said,

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

How true and wise =)

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. The hard times that we go through will build character, it makes us a stronger person.

In good times, we learn to be thankful for the things can be.
In tough times, we learn to accept that there are things that cannot be.

But when darkness strike you, do not bow your head in sadness; instead, keep your head up high, gaze into heaven - for that is where our broken heart has been sent to.

Some people will look at me and said, only those who are weak in heart needed faith in God.

But I said, only those who are strong in heart are willing to put their faith in something that they cannot see (now).

Finding God in Nature

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.
God is the friend of silence.
See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence;
see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...
We need silence to be able to touch souls.

~ Mother Teresa ~

Time to mourn, and then hope

Something meaningful I read today...

No one can teach you how to mourn. As with climbing a mountain, you can try to prepare, but it's impossible to know what will happen once you are on its steep slopes. Before my trip to Everest, I'd gone from my home in Manchester, England, to the Lake District to visit the Boningtons — Chris and his wife, Wendy. Chris and I walked with his dogs, and he listened with kind patience as I talked endlessly, repetitively, about Joe. Standing on the top of a hill, watching cloud shadows slide over the rolling green fells beneath us, Chris suddenly said to me, "I know you can't imagine it now, but one day you will fall in love again — and be happy."

- excerpt from Where the Mountain Casts Its Shadow

A Ministry of Love

While I was driving back home after work, I had a bit of time to be quiet and hear myself think. Two thoughts keep popping up my mind - "serenity" and "gratitude".

I have a tough week, since Thursday night.
The passing of Jen Ruw hits me hard, not only grieving on the lost of a brother whom I always enjoyed his presence and never fail to cheer me up.
It was the memories that bring back memories…

I thought I was strong enough.
Somehow, I did not cry when I got to know about this, I did not cry when I saw him lifeless in his own room, I did not cry when I went to see him in the mortuary.
But I could not hold on to it anymore during the Wake Service. I decided to let it go and let it out.
For a moment, I could not differentiate for whom I'm grieving for; it's really tough to go through the whole thing all over again. It's like the emotional dam that you have been fortified for the past 3.5 years suddenly collapse.
But I guess it’s good to let it all out, and to start anew with God.
Once again I’m at peace with God, once again I’m reminded about what does life amounted to.

Reading Yow Looi’s sharing was indeed a great encouragement. I’m very grateful for such leader; he set a very fine and inspiring example for us to follow.

1 Cor 13:1-3,8 "... If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing ... Love never fails."

Everyone who wants to improve or be useful or effective in something, must go through hard training. Being strong does not mean being great, but the ability to withstand. But how do you train the heart to be strong? By going through trials of hurts and withstanding them.

The ministry of God is a ministry of love, for anything short of love falls short of His will, and love can only comes from the heart. In my life & ministries, many times had God put me through the test and trials of all kinds that was painful. I suppose everyone goes though their fair share of hurts. Sometimes we become fearful to put our hearts to it knowing the hurt it can come with. But if I serve not with my heart, I always feels it falls short to pleasing God because one can serve just out of duty. Many people lose heart after hurt and we go on in life bitterly and our ministries become cold. How we need to look to God, and when you get your perspectives right, you'll grow stronger instead. And that's what the ministries need. That's how we ought to serve.

The pass week has been one of the hardest days to pass. I feel like I've lost a son or a young brother. I asked God why it has to happen, not the first time, but this time it just seemed so much harder. The first time I went through the whole process of a love one dying, going through every step to the end, each process carries a great pain. But I suppose asking why is not the right question but remaining faithful is what we need to do so that in due time it will fulfill His purpose. I guess this is how our heart matures.

In the Myanmar work too, we say goodbye very suddenly all the time as we do not know when they will be resettled in 3rd countries. And so, we need to keep restarting again and again... with much love for each individual.

In Him,
Yow Looi

"Don't cry that he's gone. Be happy that you had him." - I’m grateful that I have had them in my life.

And, I need to start to care and love more.

With All I Am

This song keep playing in my head for the past 3 days...
Thanks for the inspiration =)

Into Your hands
I commit again
With all I am, for You, Lord
You hold my world
In the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You’re the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am

I’ll walk with You
Wherever You go
Through tears and joy
I’ll trust in You
And I will live
In all of Your ways
And Your promises, forever

I will worship
I will worship You

Dear Jen Ruw

It's a long night for many of us, and the heart is still heavy.
With the few weddings lining up in a row, who would have thought that there is a funeral ahead of them?
The memory started to play its trick, having the flashback keep playing in my mind.

From the first day we welcome you at the midst of us with our clapping, to the help you offered when I was making Raymond's memorial book, to the days in Samuel, ... and the last glance of your lifeless body in your bedroom.

I just want to let you know that I do love you as my (macho but) little brother; most important of all, I do know for sure that - God loves you, more than any one of us, and you are in very good hand right now.

31st Oct 1990 - 5th Aug 2010

I will miss you. I will miss your Garfield-like smiling face, your nonsense joke, your emo sharing, your laughter, our never-ending-whacking-each-other competition, our constant msn whipping emoticon fight; because that makes you YOU. =)

We will meet again.

Be Yourself =)

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific." ~ Jane Wagner

Hehe! Don't we all sometimes fall into this mental trap...
Why do you have to be like others? LINK =)

Inconsolable?

The feeling that's haunting me for quite a while, especially this few days...


I hope, for a better tomorrow.
Remember Beck Weathers, don't give up.

"The worried look, the frown, the palpitations of the heart - come because you are upset, disappointed and worried. Maturing means you have begun to see that God is in control of this world. He is working out purposes that you do not always understand, but you accept it. He will take you through the deep water, not drown you in it." ~ J. I. Packer

Happy Birthday, Sis!

I shouldn't be so harsh to her on her birthday :(

Happy Birthday.
You're the bestest sister I could ever have.
I miss you too :)

Sorry ya, for being so angry on the phone call.

Code of Survival? Or the Life Fit for Living?

In the name of "survival of the fittest", we stiff-arm people with ambition or trample over them in pursuit of our goal. We don't set out to hurt people; sometimes we just do.
Of course, we get elbowed and ground into the dirt, too. Life can get rough, and it REALLY is rough.
At some point we will all know what it feels like to lose. You have to learn to take it on the chin gracefully and figure out how to win the next time. That's the great lesson of sports.

But are those things you are fighting for, essential to one’s survival or happiness?

When the whole survival-of-the-fittest thing goes haywire, it can damage the part of our soul that makes us care about other people. When you don’t care, when you’re wrapped up in your own selfishness, man’s inhumanity to man becomes that much easier to ignore.

There’s got to be more to life than just survival. There’s got to be more to life than being better than everyone else. We have to survive for SOMETHING.

And what is this SOMETHING to you, and to me?

No matter how convoluted the motivations, love’s impulses often triumph over our more selfish instincts (maternal love served as a very good example here). Maybe that’s the very thing that makes life fit for living.

If life is a game of survival of the fittest - then I am a loser, big time.

But I rather be a loser than being inhumane.
Because I don't want to just survive; I want to live, in a life fit for living.
Because we were meant to live for so much more...

- Excerpt from S. Dublanica, mostly. Italic being mine.

Going Back To The Beginning

Being human has to do with being made to connect with others. I am not human as God intended if I'm simply an island by myself; I'm fully human when I'm in relationship. My identity is determined not just by who came before me; it's also whoever I connect with.
Life is beautiful because of others.
This is a good time to reflect on who you are too.

Gen 1:26-27

Little Snapshots Of Life

Was reading the "Waiter Rant" before my bedtime yesternight, and I love what the writer wrote about snapshots of lives:

There was something magical in the power of words...
Maybe you'll never hunt another man through the jungle. Maybe you won't climb Mount Kilimanjaro or watch a bullfight in the afternoon - you don't have to. The world's big place. You can't do or be everything, nor should you. Life is bigger than any one man. But when you read about other people's lives, when you read their stories, you catch a glimpse of a world bigger than your own.

"People say you have to travel to see the world. Sometimes I think that if you just stay in one place and keep your eyes open, you're going to see just about all that you can handle." ~ Auggie Wren, Smoke

This, kinda reminds me of what Raymond once shared to me about adventure.
He said, "the greatest adventure is often here and now", and I still remember til this day =)

This is a picture Louis took for me during the recent camp
Actually, I don't look good in here...
But I do like this picture, because it's a snapshot of me - a snapshot of my life ;)

The greatest woman I've ever known

My mom is the greatest woman I've ever known =)
Her love for us gives me hope; one so selfless, so sacrificial.
I’m utterly thankful for this best thing a daughter could ever get.


I wish I could tell you about this one day…

No Choice? Yes? No?

I often wonder, why am I always ended up in a nasty situation because “I've got no choice".
But today, I'm reminded that it's not that I've got no choice, but it's the choice that I would not choose… Just like what I taught my students during our class.
It’s really irony to keep asking the same old question when you already knew the answer.

Why would something started off so well, but ended up so badly? Or perhaps it’s only me?
If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Ha!

Oh well, time brings all things to light. Lets see.