This Too Shall Pass

Read this short story today:

很久以前，有一个国王想找到一句话，它能让高兴的人听了难过，难过的人听了高兴。但他找了很长时间都没有找到。­­直到有一天夜里，他梦见智者对他说了一句话，正是自己想找的。
这句最神奇的话就是：这一切都会过去的！
­不管是好的还是坏的，没有一件东西可以永恒不变。当你失败、痛苦的时候，你要告诉自己：这一切都会过去的！当你成功、得意忘形的时候，你也要知道：这一切都会过去的！­好的人生，是一个过程，而不是一个状态；它是一个方向，而不是终点。

But this is the exact truth that makes me feels so sad, and morbid.

人生就如游园惊梦 - 不想继续醉生梦死，但又怕醒来时发现还是一场空。
抓得越紧，伤得越痛。
Let go, let God; this is going to be a lifelong lesson for me.


但愿我终可领悟到“行到水穷处，坐看云起时”的意境。。。

Inconsolable?

The feeling that's haunting me for quite a while, especially this few days...


I hope, for a better tomorrow.
Remember Beck Weathers, don't give up.

"The worried look, the frown, the palpitations of the heart - come because you are upset, disappointed and worried. Maturing means you have begun to see that God is in control of this world. He is working out purposes that you do not always understand, but you accept it. He will take you through the deep water, not drown you in it." ~ J. I. Packer

Melancholic Moment

There were some researches shows that creativity and sadness are linked. They thinks that embracing some sadness can boost creative thinking and allow for more complex relationships with the rest of the world. They also points to the great history of artists, dreamers, thinkers and innovators who derived inspiration from being melancholy.

Of course, I would not agree to embrace sadness to boost creativity, but definitely they're linked, as least for me.
Most of the time, I wrote when I'm in my melancholic mode.
And I take a peep at both my old & new blog archive, I have about 180 melancholic moments compare to 12 happy moments since I start writing.

Emo? I think I'm too grown up for that =)
Effecting others with your negative emotion is something I refrain myself from doing, it doesn't help by spreading it.

An outlet to express, I would say. A tip of the iceberg how I really felt.

Pressure of life, drained me to the uttermost.

Mystery • God

The presence of mystery does not mean the absence of God.

I'm just not sure enough

Things change, plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise, hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the rides too rough
When you're just not sure enough

Time flies, hearts turn
A little bit wiser from lessons learned
But sometimes, weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again
When the going gets tough
When the rides too rough
When you're just not sure enough

I AM SO TORN BETWEEN

Do you have enough nice pictures?

Have you ever wonder what will happen to you after your passing to the afterlife? Is there really a new world at the other side of the rainbow?

I have been thinking over this question lately, wondering if my times is up...
I always have this thought whenever the pain came back and haunt me, silly me.

Somehow, at the midst of my grey grey world, some light shed upon me through a movie & a song.

"Like you come to the island and had a holiday. Sun didn't burn you red-red, just brown. You sleep and no mosquito bite you. But the truth is, it bound to happen if you stay long enough. So take that nice picture you got in your head home with you, but don't be fooled... If we're lucky, maybe, we got some nice pictures to take with us."

Yes, how true... Every face we see and meet is a memory.
In life we are bound to have our ups and downs, therefore each picture may not be a perfect memory. But the important bit is, we can choose to remember the good part, the beautiful moment of everyone you've come across.

If this is the last moment of your life, do you have enough nice pictures with you?
For that matter, did YOU and ME have our nice picture taken together? I hope we did =)
Don't wait until it's too late.

Starry, starry night

Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...

Unpleasant event happened. I was very depressed yesterday night. Couldn't sleep well, therefore was having migraine since the moment I woke up... Sigh!
Why?

There is no other way

At times, I am so lost and I always wonder, what will be the plan You in store for me...
I want to run, I want to hide, but no avail - there is no other way...

[God desires] not that He may say to them, "Look how mighty I am, and go down upon your knees and worship", for power alone was never yet worthy of prayer; but that He may say thus: "Look, my children, you will never be strong but with my strength. I have no other to give you. And that you can get only by trusting in me. I can not give it you any other way. There is no other way.
~ George Macdonald ~

Faith vs Fate

It had been quite some times since my last post, not in a mood of blogging, kinda afraid my negative emotions will spread to others...
But this post, too is a negative one... Ha! Sorry, I'm just being me...

Watched a show today, the ending was sad.
So got a liltle bit depressed at the mo...
It just remind me of how things in life won't happen according to the way you want it to be - no matter how hard you tried; but yet you've got no choice but to go through it.

人生 - 无奈; 做女人 - 更无奈...

When faith vs fate, what we gotta remember is - "for men, it is faith; for God, it is fate"
And we all have a decision to make, a path to choose.
I wonder what is await for me at my "destiny"?

Dear God, help us, and help me!
Help us not only learn to go through life, but to grow through life.
And I am tired, restore me...
Help me to see it through Your eyes...

Gone... All of them...

Have not login to my Yahoo mail for months, didn't know they deactivated my account without any warning... Didn't know once your account is deactivated, they will delete all your emails just like that...

That means all the old precious emails was gone... All of em... Gone...

That means all the email correspondance with raymond was gone...

I hate Yahoo mail, for being so unconsiderate, not even a reminder or warning email...

I hate myself, how could I overlook this...

I hate this, for nothing I could do to retrieve them back, I really hate this...

Fix Me

When I try my best, but I don't succeed
When I get what I want, but not what I need
When I feel so tired, but I can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down I face
When I lose something I can't replace
When I love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Your lights will guide me home
And ignite my soul
And You are trying to fix me

High up above or down below
When You love me too much to let me go
I will never know even if I try
Am I really worth?

Your lights will guide me home
And ignite my soul
And You are trying to fix me

========================================
Suddenly wanna try to edit the lyrics of the song I was listening in my random playlist...
Haha, I know my work kinda suckish, trying to diplay my zero creativity at 12am =p
Ok la, it's bed time =) Good night!

Dear God, hold me close tonight...

God answers prayer...

There are four ways God answers prayer:
1) No, not yet;
2) No, I love you too much;
3) Yes, I thought you'd never ask;
4) Yes, and here's more.

I know there is absolutely nothing I can do right now, other than crying out to you.
God, please help me...
Help me to keep trusting in You, that You love me and will never give up on me.

The Rose of Versailles

It is now 3.06 am, and Song Fest is just few hours away...
But somehow feeling very restless, don't feel like sleeping even thought am already very tired....
Am listening to my collection of songs, and just had a glass of white wine =)
Hmmm... Such a nice feelings!

Many peoples asked me about my nick name ~ Oscar...

Wonder is it refering to the dustbin monster from Saseme Street? Haha!

She was actually a character I read when I was still very young (Form 2 I think...), from a Japanese comic - "The Rose of Versailles".
Love the story alot, even though the drawing wasn't really that impressive.
Copy & paste some of the synopsis from wiki below:
"The Rose of Versailles focuses on Oscar François de Jarjayes, a girl raised as a man to become her father's successor. Oscar accepts the destiny that her father decided for her, but when she realises that her true love was André Grandier, her childhood friend, she decides to live as a woman..."

Why I love this character? Hehe...

Cos many a times, I can identify myself with Lady Oscar...
I always wanted to be someone that I can't possibly be... Haha...

Sigh...
I'm tired... Tired of living two, but incomplete life...

This is a wallpaper done by my friend, I stole it without his permission =p
Which pretty reflect my current status now...

"Where are Thou at the cross road of my life?"

Help me to find You, Lord!

Mene, Mene, Tekel, Parsin

When I was reading Daniel last week, I got a reminder from God in Chapter 5...

The handwriting on the wall signifies a final warning just before the end. Ignoring the warning like King Belshazzar - invites punishment, just as the writing on the wall makes clear...

Am I also that ignorant??


The real conflict is inner conflict. Beyond armies of occupation and the catacombs of concentration camps, there are two irreconcilable enemies in the depth of every soul: good and evil, sin and love. And what use are victories on the battle-field if we ourselves are defeated in our inner most personal selves?
~ Maximilian Kolbe ~

Screaming in the dark

Thank God for the 3 hours of nap, because I need it, badly... Was so freaking tired since last Saturday... So I went straight to my bed once I touch base! ( My bed already keep calling me when I was on my way sending gloria home ~~ )

Woke up at 9 something, no appetite for dinner, just had a bowl of my favorite barley tong sui, but didn't even manage to finish it...

Feeling not well... my gastric is coming back...
It's kinda funny when I think of it, because the doctor's diagnosis of my gastritis' rootcause is due to psychological factor, such as stress & emotional issues... Which is the only 2-3% from the statistics...
Wow, I'm a minority =p

Tried screaming out my heart desires, but no reply... in the dark...

I guess I still have not trust enough.

Diex aye...


Yep, this is the dark side of me...

Me too is an emo kid >.<