Time to mourn, and then hope

Something meaningful I read today...

No one can teach you how to mourn. As with climbing a mountain, you can try to prepare, but it's impossible to know what will happen once you are on its steep slopes. Before my trip to Everest, I'd gone from my home in Manchester, England, to the Lake District to visit the Boningtons — Chris and his wife, Wendy. Chris and I walked with his dogs, and he listened with kind patience as I talked endlessly, repetitively, about Joe. Standing on the top of a hill, watching cloud shadows slide over the rolling green fells beneath us, Chris suddenly said to me, "I know you can't imagine it now, but one day you will fall in love again — and be happy."

- excerpt from Where the Mountain Casts Its Shadow

A Ministry of Love

While I was driving back home after work, I had a bit of time to be quiet and hear myself think. Two thoughts keep popping up my mind - "serenity" and "gratitude".

I have a tough week, since Thursday night.
The passing of Jen Ruw hits me hard, not only grieving on the lost of a brother whom I always enjoyed his presence and never fail to cheer me up.
It was the memories that bring back memories…

I thought I was strong enough.
Somehow, I did not cry when I got to know about this, I did not cry when I saw him lifeless in his own room, I did not cry when I went to see him in the mortuary.
But I could not hold on to it anymore during the Wake Service. I decided to let it go and let it out.
For a moment, I could not differentiate for whom I'm grieving for; it's really tough to go through the whole thing all over again. It's like the emotional dam that you have been fortified for the past 3.5 years suddenly collapse.
But I guess it’s good to let it all out, and to start anew with God.
Once again I’m at peace with God, once again I’m reminded about what does life amounted to.

Reading Yow Looi’s sharing was indeed a great encouragement. I’m very grateful for such leader; he set a very fine and inspiring example for us to follow.

1 Cor 13:1-3,8 "... If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing ... Love never fails."

Everyone who wants to improve or be useful or effective in something, must go through hard training. Being strong does not mean being great, but the ability to withstand. But how do you train the heart to be strong? By going through trials of hurts and withstanding them.

The ministry of God is a ministry of love, for anything short of love falls short of His will, and love can only comes from the heart. In my life & ministries, many times had God put me through the test and trials of all kinds that was painful. I suppose everyone goes though their fair share of hurts. Sometimes we become fearful to put our hearts to it knowing the hurt it can come with. But if I serve not with my heart, I always feels it falls short to pleasing God because one can serve just out of duty. Many people lose heart after hurt and we go on in life bitterly and our ministries become cold. How we need to look to God, and when you get your perspectives right, you'll grow stronger instead. And that's what the ministries need. That's how we ought to serve.

The pass week has been one of the hardest days to pass. I feel like I've lost a son or a young brother. I asked God why it has to happen, not the first time, but this time it just seemed so much harder. The first time I went through the whole process of a love one dying, going through every step to the end, each process carries a great pain. But I suppose asking why is not the right question but remaining faithful is what we need to do so that in due time it will fulfill His purpose. I guess this is how our heart matures.

In the Myanmar work too, we say goodbye very suddenly all the time as we do not know when they will be resettled in 3rd countries. And so, we need to keep restarting again and again... with much love for each individual.

In Him,
Yow Looi

"Don't cry that he's gone. Be happy that you had him." - I’m grateful that I have had them in my life.

And, I need to start to care and love more.

With All I Am

This song keep playing in my head for the past 3 days...
Thanks for the inspiration =)

Into Your hands
I commit again
With all I am, for You, Lord
You hold my world
In the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You’re the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am

I’ll walk with You
Wherever You go
Through tears and joy
I’ll trust in You
And I will live
In all of Your ways
And Your promises, forever

I will worship
I will worship You

Dear Jen Ruw

It's a long night for many of us, and the heart is still heavy.
With the few weddings lining up in a row, who would have thought that there is a funeral ahead of them?
The memory started to play its trick, having the flashback keep playing in my mind.

From the first day we welcome you at the midst of us with our clapping, to the help you offered when I was making Raymond's memorial book, to the days in Samuel, ... and the last glance of your lifeless body in your bedroom.

I just want to let you know that I do love you as my (macho but) little brother; most important of all, I do know for sure that - God loves you, more than any one of us, and you are in very good hand right now.

31st Oct 1990 - 5th Aug 2010

I will miss you. I will miss your Garfield-like smiling face, your nonsense joke, your emo sharing, your laughter, our never-ending-whacking-each-other competition, our constant msn whipping emoticon fight; because that makes you YOU. =)

We will meet again.

Be Yourself =)

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific." ~ Jane Wagner

Hehe! Don't we all sometimes fall into this mental trap...
Why do you have to be like others? LINK =)