4

This is the fourth year. You're dearly missed.
I wonder, how long more til my turn to go to the other side...
=)

Three

It had been 3 years since you left.

People come into your life and people leave it, but there are only a few could make a lasting impact in your life.
It's strange how people's road mapped out and collide, and their life is changed forever due to the collision.

Life would not be the same without knowing you. I truly thank God for our friendship.
And this remind me of the quote that you've once share to me:
"A lifetime’s not too long, to live as friends..."
=)

Oh, and it's 2 years since the first day I've met him too...

Tracing his footsteps

Had a little adventure, with only a piece of paper in my hand, I started my journey.
I found the street, I found the building.
I went into the building, then the lift. I pressed the button, and went up.
At the lift lobby, I chose the left turn, walk til the end, and I found the place.

Then I turnaround and walk away, before anyone could notice an intruder like me,
and before my tears burst out.
And I thought I am stronger than I can imagine, cos I managed to hold it right there.


But yet I cried that night, before I went to bed, silly me.

"Be Strong!"

The Power of Love

I throw my painful back at the driver seat after long hours of coding & scripting at work, then I take a look at the clock, it was already 8:50pm... "Argh! I am so tired..."

Suddenly a thought caught my attention, I picked up my handphone and start calling my mom, tell her that I'm on my way home, and do expect me to be late for dinner. I think I have never call home to inform whenever I'm late, usually mom will be the one that called after certain time if I'm not home yet. And she often complaint that I am too carefree to call home every time I'm expect to be late.

I remembered once Raymond shared this in PD Camp 2006, during the "Battle of the Sexes" closing; he said, people often thought a person should be full of energy when he/she started off their day in the morning, but it was the contrary, he find greater strength when he go home each night, when he looked at the wife and the daughter, the person that he love most...

It's just so true =)
After the phone call, I felt very much refreshed. Suddenly I'm not tired anymore, because I remembered, people that I love most (and love me most) is waiting for me at home...

The driving force out of love is simply amazing. It was the same driving force that keep me going for all these years, else I would have given up as I struggle in this tough reality. Life is really tough!

As my thought go on, I remembered the loving act of Christ...

It was the power of the love - the love He had for sinners like us, that keep him going; from the false accusation & betrayal to the trial, from the trial to the flogging & mocking, from the long journey of Via Dolorosa to the cross of Calvary...

It was not the nails that held Him on the cross, but His love for us... The love that beyond our human mind can fathom.

I often pray that I would be able to understand, or catch a glimpse of the extend of His love for me, help me Lord!
May the power of Your love change my stone-cold heart...

Thank You For Smoking

This was the last movie rkym & I watched together, during one of the Fellowship Night Sunday afternoon, with little Arielle came and join us on & off... =)
I still remember I wanted to watch an horror movie initially, but he suggested this one. He said, should watch those movies that make you think.

That was a very good line in the movie that makes us laugh - "If you argue correctly, you'll never wrong" >.<

Thank God for the good memory... =)

When God Ran

Luke 15:11-24

Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

=============================================================

I thank God for you, for you give me an opportunity to see God through your eyes, and teach me to understand more about how God loves us - through the song that you've once sang =)

When God Ran
(by Benny Hester)

Almighty God,
The Great I Am
Immoveable Rock,
Omnipotent powerful

Awesome Lord,
Victorious Warrior
Commanding King of Kings
Mighty Conquerer,

And the only time,
the only time I ever saw Him run
Was when

He ran to me,
Took me in His arms, held my head to His chest
And said "My son's come home again".
Looked in my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said "Son, do you know I still love you?"

It caught me by surprise when God ran

The day I left Home,
I knew I'd broken His heart
I wondered if
Things could ever be the same,

Then one night,
I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road, ahead I could see
It's the only time,
the only time I ever saw Him run

Was when He ran to me,
Took me in His arms, held my head to His chest
And said "My son's come home again".
Looked in my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said "Son, do you know I still love you?"

It caught me by surprise, He brought me to my knees
When God ran
I saw Him run to me
And then I ran to Him

Instrumental Bridge

Holy God, Righteous One
Who turned my way
Now I know, He's been waiting
For this day

{Repeat Chorus}

And then He ran to me,
Took me in His arms, held my head to His chest
And said "My son's come home again".
Looked in my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
I felt His love for me again

{Repeat Chorus}

He ran to me,
Took me in His arms, held my head to His chest
And said "My son's come home again".
Looked in my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said Son, He said Son, My Son!
Do you know I still love you
Oohhh... He ran to me
When God ran

Be Strong

"Be Strong" - I remember...
=)

Last Day @ CSC

Today is my last day in the company.

It happened really fast, from the time I got the offer > to meet up with the company co-founder, to make the decision > to talk to my boss about this > to tender the resignation letter > until today - my last day at the company.

A workplace that means a lot of sentimental value to me...
Not to mentioned the great boss I have, always so understanding and helpful. Really feel bad whenever I think of him...
Had been working in CSC for 2.5 years, lots of things happened while I was working here, lots of memory...

The lift lobby to my floor:

The toilet cubicle that I often took a few minutes of sleep whenever I can't win over the sleeping bug...

The place where I sit:

This is also the place where I got the news that night...

The carpark at Glad Tidings next door:

Everytime I walk to the carpark, it surely reminds me of that night, how I haste to the carpark in the drizzling rain...

And this is also the place where I parked my car one day, during my lunch time, at one of the lowest point of my life. I called him to rant about my heartache and problems, always remember his gentleness over the phone, listening to me despite of his busy schedule...

And not to forget the way back home at night from the office.

Every night when I drive back home, the same scenes will keep replaying in my head.

As for now, I really do not know what lies ahead of me. I just have to trust in Him.
Is it a leap forward? Or backward? Diex Aye...

Gone... All of them...

Have not login to my Yahoo mail for months, didn't know they deactivated my account without any warning... Didn't know once your account is deactivated, they will delete all your emails just like that...

That means all the old precious emails was gone... All of em... Gone...

That means all the email correspondance with raymond was gone...

I hate Yahoo mail, for being so unconsiderate, not even a reminder or warning email...

I hate myself, how could I overlook this...

I hate this, for nothing I could do to retrieve them back, I really hate this...

But the greatest of these is LOVE

I was very relunctant to attend Fellowship Night yesterday cos I overslept & I thought it was already late. But guess what? My mom asked me to go anyhow... Really thank God for my lovely mother =)

I'm so thankful that I did not miss the screening of the video, couldn't remember the title of the video. But it was a testimony from a newly wed couple in HK/S'pore - Ralph Lim & Alice Lui.
They discover Ralph had a cancer 1 week after they're married.
Then Ralph have to go thru some painful Chemotherapy sessions but yet proved to be no avail.
His tumor in the head was destroying his handsome face in 3 months time... It was such a heart-breaking scene even for people like me - who does not know him to look at. What is more for the family? & especially the wife?

But despite of the pain & suffering they have to go through, they see God behind everything that had happened.
Was very moved by what Alice shared, she said everytime when she look at the husband face (that was already swollen & look nothing like him anymore), she saw the love of God...
I am truly and deeply touched by their faith in God, and their love for each other.
Then I asked myself, what would I do if this thing happen on me or my love one?
I have no answer, and I fear for my answer...

Really don't know how to pen it down properly, am pretty disturbed, as the sharing truly cut to my heart...
I felt so small compared to their faith in Christ.
So ashame of myself, for always taking things for granted.
And I thank God for keeping me from those trials beyond what I can bear.
I wanted to learn to be more grateful, for all that I have & how God had been good to me.
And I want to love God more...

Someone also share this quote to me today - "Keep looking towards the sunshine and you will not see the shadow".
Very true. I guess this is how Ralph & Alice find their strength in God, by keeping thier eyes on Jesus, not on the problems that overshadow them.
But how many times we of little faith lose focus and therefore start to sink deep into our troubles, and got blinded by the darkness around us?
We often forget God is always there - today, yesterday & forever, we only need to turn our eyes upon Him.
Perhaps all these will not be a problem, if only we know God more... if only we love God more... ...

And as I was watching the video, I can't help but missing him, greatly...
Many a times, I was wondering, what would it be, if you are still around?
Many a times, I would still try to look around, trying to search for your warm smiling face.
Many a times, I have lots of things in my heart that I wanted to share it with you.
Many a times, I wanted to tell you of the silly things that I have done, or to share some jokes with you.
I really miss you, alot alot...
I'm still very selfish huh? =p
Always wanted you to stay here & keep toiling, rather than let you peacefully back to the Father and resting in Him.
Will you be dissapointed with me when you looking down from up there?
I am, I am very disappointed with myself.
I think I have let you down, I think I have let God down.
As I look back how I live my life, I must have grieve many who loves me...

I'm so sorry...
God, help me...

Of Love & Acceptance

"Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters." - Rom 14:1

What a great reminder for me...
I always know that I have not love enough, that is why I find it so hard to accept certain thing and certain people...

Dear God, help me to accept one another, just as how You've accepted me, despite of all my flaws....
Help me to judge less, and loves more.

He used to teach me about this too, I really miss him alot...

Our Saviour kneels down and gazes upon the darkest acts of our lives. But rather than recoil in horror, he reaches out in kindness and says, 'I can clean that if you want.' And from the basin of his grace, he scoops a palm full of mercy and washes our sin.
~ Max Lucado ~

Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day