Live Life

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.

For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to "glorify God and enjoy him forever".

- Henry David Thoreau -

May the Lord gives me the wisdom and strength to live a life worth living, live how life was meant to be lived.

Every exit is an entry somewhere

Alexander Graham Bell once said,

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

How true and wise =)

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. The hard times that we go through will build character, it makes us a stronger person.

In good times, we learn to be thankful for the things can be.
In tough times, we learn to accept that there are things that cannot be.

But when darkness strike you, do not bow your head in sadness; instead, keep your head up high, gaze into heaven - for that is where our broken heart has been sent to.

Some people will look at me and said, only those who are weak in heart needed faith in God.

But I said, only those who are strong in heart are willing to put their faith in something that they cannot see (now).

Time to mourn, and then hope

Something meaningful I read today...

No one can teach you how to mourn. As with climbing a mountain, you can try to prepare, but it's impossible to know what will happen once you are on its steep slopes. Before my trip to Everest, I'd gone from my home in Manchester, England, to the Lake District to visit the Boningtons — Chris and his wife, Wendy. Chris and I walked with his dogs, and he listened with kind patience as I talked endlessly, repetitively, about Joe. Standing on the top of a hill, watching cloud shadows slide over the rolling green fells beneath us, Chris suddenly said to me, "I know you can't imagine it now, but one day you will fall in love again — and be happy."

- excerpt from Where the Mountain Casts Its Shadow

A Ministry of Love

While I was driving back home after work, I had a bit of time to be quiet and hear myself think. Two thoughts keep popping up my mind - "serenity" and "gratitude".

I have a tough week, since Thursday night.
The passing of Jen Ruw hits me hard, not only grieving on the lost of a brother whom I always enjoyed his presence and never fail to cheer me up.
It was the memories that bring back memories…

I thought I was strong enough.
Somehow, I did not cry when I got to know about this, I did not cry when I saw him lifeless in his own room, I did not cry when I went to see him in the mortuary.
But I could not hold on to it anymore during the Wake Service. I decided to let it go and let it out.
For a moment, I could not differentiate for whom I'm grieving for; it's really tough to go through the whole thing all over again. It's like the emotional dam that you have been fortified for the past 3.5 years suddenly collapse.
But I guess it’s good to let it all out, and to start anew with God.
Once again I’m at peace with God, once again I’m reminded about what does life amounted to.

Reading Yow Looi’s sharing was indeed a great encouragement. I’m very grateful for such leader; he set a very fine and inspiring example for us to follow.

1 Cor 13:1-3,8 "... If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing ... Love never fails."

Everyone who wants to improve or be useful or effective in something, must go through hard training. Being strong does not mean being great, but the ability to withstand. But how do you train the heart to be strong? By going through trials of hurts and withstanding them.

The ministry of God is a ministry of love, for anything short of love falls short of His will, and love can only comes from the heart. In my life & ministries, many times had God put me through the test and trials of all kinds that was painful. I suppose everyone goes though their fair share of hurts. Sometimes we become fearful to put our hearts to it knowing the hurt it can come with. But if I serve not with my heart, I always feels it falls short to pleasing God because one can serve just out of duty. Many people lose heart after hurt and we go on in life bitterly and our ministries become cold. How we need to look to God, and when you get your perspectives right, you'll grow stronger instead. And that's what the ministries need. That's how we ought to serve.

The pass week has been one of the hardest days to pass. I feel like I've lost a son or a young brother. I asked God why it has to happen, not the first time, but this time it just seemed so much harder. The first time I went through the whole process of a love one dying, going through every step to the end, each process carries a great pain. But I suppose asking why is not the right question but remaining faithful is what we need to do so that in due time it will fulfill His purpose. I guess this is how our heart matures.

In the Myanmar work too, we say goodbye very suddenly all the time as we do not know when they will be resettled in 3rd countries. And so, we need to keep restarting again and again... with much love for each individual.

In Him,
Yow Looi

"Don't cry that he's gone. Be happy that you had him." - I’m grateful that I have had them in my life.

And, I need to start to care and love more.

Code of Survival? Or the Life Fit for Living?

In the name of "survival of the fittest", we stiff-arm people with ambition or trample over them in pursuit of our goal. We don't set out to hurt people; sometimes we just do.
Of course, we get elbowed and ground into the dirt, too. Life can get rough, and it REALLY is rough.
At some point we will all know what it feels like to lose. You have to learn to take it on the chin gracefully and figure out how to win the next time. That's the great lesson of sports.

But are those things you are fighting for, essential to one’s survival or happiness?

When the whole survival-of-the-fittest thing goes haywire, it can damage the part of our soul that makes us care about other people. When you don’t care, when you’re wrapped up in your own selfishness, man’s inhumanity to man becomes that much easier to ignore.

There’s got to be more to life than just survival. There’s got to be more to life than being better than everyone else. We have to survive for SOMETHING.

And what is this SOMETHING to you, and to me?

No matter how convoluted the motivations, love’s impulses often triumph over our more selfish instincts (maternal love served as a very good example here). Maybe that’s the very thing that makes life fit for living.

If life is a game of survival of the fittest - then I am a loser, big time.

But I rather be a loser than being inhumane.
Because I don't want to just survive; I want to live, in a life fit for living.
Because we were meant to live for so much more...

- Excerpt from S. Dublanica, mostly. Italic being mine.

Little Snapshots Of Life

Was reading the "Waiter Rant" before my bedtime yesternight, and I love what the writer wrote about snapshots of lives:

There was something magical in the power of words...
Maybe you'll never hunt another man through the jungle. Maybe you won't climb Mount Kilimanjaro or watch a bullfight in the afternoon - you don't have to. The world's big place. You can't do or be everything, nor should you. Life is bigger than any one man. But when you read about other people's lives, when you read their stories, you catch a glimpse of a world bigger than your own.

"People say you have to travel to see the world. Sometimes I think that if you just stay in one place and keep your eyes open, you're going to see just about all that you can handle." ~ Auggie Wren, Smoke

This, kinda reminds me of what Raymond once shared to me about adventure.
He said, "the greatest adventure is often here and now", and I still remember til this day =)

This is a picture Louis took for me during the recent camp
Actually, I don't look good in here...
But I do like this picture, because it's a snapshot of me - a snapshot of my life ;)

No Choice? Yes? No?

I often wonder, why am I always ended up in a nasty situation because “I've got no choice".
But today, I'm reminded that it's not that I've got no choice, but it's the choice that I would not choose… Just like what I taught my students during our class.
It’s really irony to keep asking the same old question when you already knew the answer.

Why would something started off so well, but ended up so badly? Or perhaps it’s only me?
If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Ha!

Oh well, time brings all things to light. Lets see.

Three

It had been 3 years since you left.

People come into your life and people leave it, but there are only a few could make a lasting impact in your life.
It's strange how people's road mapped out and collide, and their life is changed forever due to the collision.

Life would not be the same without knowing you. I truly thank God for our friendship.
And this remind me of the quote that you've once share to me:
"A lifetime’s not too long, to live as friends..."
=)

Oh, and it's 2 years since the first day I've met him too...

Carry Your Candle

There is a candle in every soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold

Frustrated brother – see how he’s tried to light his own candle some other way
See now your sister – she’s been robbed and lied to
Still holds a candle without a flame

Carry your candle
Run to the darkness
Seek out the hopeless
Confused and torn
Seek out the lonely
The tired and worn

Hold out your candle
For all to see it
Take your candle
And go light your world

Make us a beacon in darkest time

Why do you have to be like others?

A pretty good Thai commercial by Pantene, though the needless swing of hair at the ending performance can be a little funny.

But what struck me the most in the ad, is a conversation of the girl and the old man:

"Why am I different from others?"
"Why do you have to be like others?"

I asked God this question all the times, "Why me?", why?
Why it was me that need to go through all these tough times and not others, why I have to make such difficult choice and decision... yada yada...

And now, I've got my question answered - in a form of question. Good one.

Pick Yourself Up

Nothings impossible I have found
For when my chin is on the ground
I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again

Don't lose your confidence if you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again

Work like a soul inspired till the battle of the day is won
You may be sick and tired but you'll be a man my son
Don't you remember the famous man who had to fall to rise again?
They picked themselves up, dust themselves off and started all over again

The best thing about pain?

Urgayle: Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain?
O'Neil: Don't know!
Urgayle: It lets you know you're not dead yet

I like this quote =)

Mystery • God

The presence of mystery does not mean the absence of God.

Fiji Day 11: A Day of Change

Today I've change

• My hotel room in Holiday Inn Suva! Finally...
• My domestic flight ticket to get out of Suva to Nadi
• My international flight ticket to from Nadi to Brisbane
• My flight ticket home from Brisbane to KL! *I miss my home sweet home sweet, so much*
  
• My room booking at Brisbane

Now I've finally got a room with a garden & sea view =) I really feel much better now.
Compare to my previous room that has got no view (facing the central central block roof); has got 2 queen size beds (that I'm not gonna use anyway); and the worse is, it's just too quiet, it makes the solitary worse... At least now I can get to hear the sound & music from the garden.
The change of environment suddenly makes me don't feel so gloomy anymore =)
Am thankful again.

This is what I can see from my room balcony now

Why Oh Why?

As I was screaming in my heart many many questions "Why these things have to keep happening?" "Why I have to carry this burden for so long?" So many "Why o why?"...

A brother send this song to me, a beautiful song that help to soothe my broken heart. Thank you!

It remind me that imperfection - that’s what I am , but yet God loves me. Therefore there is still a reason to love, I should learn to love him the same too...
Give me the courage to go on, because I have You.

I hope to see the day when he will be saved and be included in the family of God =)

What pleases you the most?

Today during a casual conversation, my friend asked me a good question, "What pleases you the most?"

I told him, without the need of worrying and thinking pleases me the most, being with the loved one pleases me the most.

Sometimes, I really worry too much, that means, I still didn't trust enough...
"Don't trust to hold God's hand; let Him hold yours. Let Him do the holding, and you the trusting."
I believe I already found the One that is able to give me all that I need, but am I letting Him in control?


So, what pleases you the most? =)

The Power of Love

I throw my painful back at the driver seat after long hours of coding & scripting at work, then I take a look at the clock, it was already 8:50pm... "Argh! I am so tired..."

Suddenly a thought caught my attention, I picked up my handphone and start calling my mom, tell her that I'm on my way home, and do expect me to be late for dinner. I think I have never call home to inform whenever I'm late, usually mom will be the one that called after certain time if I'm not home yet. And she often complaint that I am too carefree to call home every time I'm expect to be late.

I remembered once Raymond shared this in PD Camp 2006, during the "Battle of the Sexes" closing; he said, people often thought a person should be full of energy when he/she started off their day in the morning, but it was the contrary, he find greater strength when he go home each night, when he looked at the wife and the daughter, the person that he love most...

It's just so true =)
After the phone call, I felt very much refreshed. Suddenly I'm not tired anymore, because I remembered, people that I love most (and love me most) is waiting for me at home...

The driving force out of love is simply amazing. It was the same driving force that keep me going for all these years, else I would have given up as I struggle in this tough reality. Life is really tough!

As my thought go on, I remembered the loving act of Christ...

It was the power of the love - the love He had for sinners like us, that keep him going; from the false accusation & betrayal to the trial, from the trial to the flogging & mocking, from the long journey of Via Dolorosa to the cross of Calvary...

It was not the nails that held Him on the cross, but His love for us... The love that beyond our human mind can fathom.

I often pray that I would be able to understand, or catch a glimpse of the extend of His love for me, help me Lord!
May the power of Your love change my stone-cold heart...

The silver lining within

I often love to take pictures of the clouds & the sky, because it always reminds me of the silver lining within. Hope - is what keeping me alive...

View from my house parking lot before I go to work @ 1-Sep-06

On my way to collect my car, after I finish work at DiGi @ 1-Apr-08

At HK Ocean Park, on the ferris wheel @ 19-Mar-07

Brisbane @ 3-May-08

Right outside DiGi Lot 8 @ 13-May-08

"I remember once walking along the beach with a friend. We spoke intensely about our relationship, trying hard to explain ourselves to each other and to understand each other's feelings. We were so preoccupied with our mutual struggle that we didn't notice the magnificent sunset spreading a rich spectrum of colour over the foam-capped waves breaking on the wide, silent beach. Suddenly my friend exclaimed: "Look. look at the sun, look!" He put his arm around my shoulder, and together we gazed at the shimmering ball of fire vanishing gradually below the horizon of the wide ocean. At that moment, we both knew about hope and joy." ~ Anonymous

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. (Ps 31:24)

The Real Adversary

This is a blog post by a good friend M, did a copy & paste job here, because what he said was indeed very true...

A few days ago I was talking to a very close brother asking him, “Why is a man unhappy?” We came to a conclusion that men are unhappy because of 2 things… When he can’t get something he wants and when he loses something that is close to his heart.

Today wasn’t a particularly happy day for me because many things haven’t gone my way. This particular event brought my thought to a very important lesson in my life. Throughout the years of my life, I have learnt from experience that the real foe isn’t these unhappy times… The real adversary is those happy times, where I can have everything I want. These are times when I become too complacent and let the enemy in to slowly destroy my outer defences. These are the times when I let my guard down and slowly be sucked by the enemy’s lie and deceit.

So, while today and I believe many days ahead would be a hard one for me, I believe that “in all things He works for the good of those who love him, who has been called according to his purpose.” It’s no longer a theological or theoretical lesson for my life has proven it again & again that hard times, unhappy times… these are the times that mould me, that change me and make me become a better person.

I am so agree!

I am only a child...

A wake up call for all of us... And a great reminder as how to live our life responsibly, especially us - those who called ourselves Christian - who are called to be in these soul saving business.

"let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth"

Can we make a different?