Dear Jen Ruw

It's a long night for many of us, and the heart is still heavy.
With the few weddings lining up in a row, who would have thought that there is a funeral ahead of them?
The memory started to play its trick, having the flashback keep playing in my mind.

From the first day we welcome you at the midst of us with our clapping, to the help you offered when I was making Raymond's memorial book, to the days in Samuel, ... and the last glance of your lifeless body in your bedroom.

I just want to let you know that I do love you as my (macho but) little brother; most important of all, I do know for sure that - God loves you, more than any one of us, and you are in very good hand right now.

31st Oct 1990 - 5th Aug 2010

I will miss you. I will miss your Garfield-like smiling face, your nonsense joke, your emo sharing, your laughter, our never-ending-whacking-each-other competition, our constant msn whipping emoticon fight; because that makes you YOU. =)

We will meet again.

Be Yourself =)

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific." ~ Jane Wagner

Hehe! Don't we all sometimes fall into this mental trap...
Why do you have to be like others? LINK =)

Inconsolable?

The feeling that's haunting me for quite a while, especially this few days...


I hope, for a better tomorrow.
Remember Beck Weathers, don't give up.

"The worried look, the frown, the palpitations of the heart - come because you are upset, disappointed and worried. Maturing means you have begun to see that God is in control of this world. He is working out purposes that you do not always understand, but you accept it. He will take you through the deep water, not drown you in it." ~ J. I. Packer

Happy Birthday, Sis!

I shouldn't be so harsh to her on her birthday :(

Happy Birthday.
You're the bestest sister I could ever have.
I miss you too :)

Sorry ya, for being so angry on the phone call.

Code of Survival? Or the Life Fit for Living?

In the name of "survival of the fittest", we stiff-arm people with ambition or trample over them in pursuit of our goal. We don't set out to hurt people; sometimes we just do.
Of course, we get elbowed and ground into the dirt, too. Life can get rough, and it REALLY is rough.
At some point we will all know what it feels like to lose. You have to learn to take it on the chin gracefully and figure out how to win the next time. That's the great lesson of sports.

But are those things you are fighting for, essential to one’s survival or happiness?

When the whole survival-of-the-fittest thing goes haywire, it can damage the part of our soul that makes us care about other people. When you don’t care, when you’re wrapped up in your own selfishness, man’s inhumanity to man becomes that much easier to ignore.

There’s got to be more to life than just survival. There’s got to be more to life than being better than everyone else. We have to survive for SOMETHING.

And what is this SOMETHING to you, and to me?

No matter how convoluted the motivations, love’s impulses often triumph over our more selfish instincts (maternal love served as a very good example here). Maybe that’s the very thing that makes life fit for living.

If life is a game of survival of the fittest - then I am a loser, big time.

But I rather be a loser than being inhumane.
Because I don't want to just survive; I want to live, in a life fit for living.
Because we were meant to live for so much more...

- Excerpt from S. Dublanica, mostly. Italic being mine.

Going Back To The Beginning

Being human has to do with being made to connect with others. I am not human as God intended if I'm simply an island by myself; I'm fully human when I'm in relationship. My identity is determined not just by who came before me; it's also whoever I connect with.
Life is beautiful because of others.
This is a good time to reflect on who you are too.

Gen 1:26-27

Little Snapshots Of Life

Was reading the "Waiter Rant" before my bedtime yesternight, and I love what the writer wrote about snapshots of lives:

There was something magical in the power of words...
Maybe you'll never hunt another man through the jungle. Maybe you won't climb Mount Kilimanjaro or watch a bullfight in the afternoon - you don't have to. The world's big place. You can't do or be everything, nor should you. Life is bigger than any one man. But when you read about other people's lives, when you read their stories, you catch a glimpse of a world bigger than your own.

"People say you have to travel to see the world. Sometimes I think that if you just stay in one place and keep your eyes open, you're going to see just about all that you can handle." ~ Auggie Wren, Smoke

This, kinda reminds me of what Raymond once shared to me about adventure.
He said, "the greatest adventure is often here and now", and I still remember til this day =)

This is a picture Louis took for me during the recent camp
Actually, I don't look good in here...
But I do like this picture, because it's a snapshot of me - a snapshot of my life ;)

The greatest woman I've ever known

My mom is the greatest woman I've ever known =)
Her love for us gives me hope; one so selfless, so sacrificial.
I’m utterly thankful for this best thing a daughter could ever get.


I wish I could tell you about this one day…

No Choice? Yes? No?

I often wonder, why am I always ended up in a nasty situation because “I've got no choice".
But today, I'm reminded that it's not that I've got no choice, but it's the choice that I would not choose… Just like what I taught my students during our class.
It’s really irony to keep asking the same old question when you already knew the answer.

Why would something started off so well, but ended up so badly? Or perhaps it’s only me?
If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Ha!

Oh well, time brings all things to light. Lets see.

Message at 27th

Stumble upon this article today =)

Dec 29

Homesick for Heaven

“Our homeland is in heaven.” Philippians 3:20

This home we’re in won’t last forever. Birthdays remind us of that.

Not long ago I turned fifty. I’m closer to ninety than I am to infancy. All those things they say about aging are coming true. I’m patting myself less on the back and more under the chin. I have everything I had twenty years ago, except now it’s all lower. The other day I tried to straighten out the wrinkles in my socks and found out I wasn’t wearing any.

Aging. It’s no fun. The way we try to avoid it, you’d think we could. We paint the body, preserve the body, protect the body. And well we should. These bodies are God’s gifts. We should be responsible. But we should also be realistic. This body must die so the new body can live. “Flesh and blood cannot have a part in the kingdom of God. Something that will ruin cannot have a part in something that never ruins” (I Cor. 15:50).

1 of 365 devotionals in Grace for the Moment, Volume II
Originally excerpted from Traveling Light

Maybe, this is it =)

Three

It had been 3 years since you left.

People come into your life and people leave it, but there are only a few could make a lasting impact in your life.
It's strange how people's road mapped out and collide, and their life is changed forever due to the collision.

Life would not be the same without knowing you. I truly thank God for our friendship.
And this remind me of the quote that you've once share to me:
"A lifetime’s not too long, to live as friends..."
=)

Oh, and it's 2 years since the first day I've met him too...